Scattered thoughts

I originally posted something like this when I first went on a trip to Ypres with my Special Subject class in April 2005. The original is here on my LiveJournal, and the version I'm posting now is here on my website.

I'm posting it again today because I feel it's appropriate for Remembrance Sunday.

( Cut for legnth - it's very long ;) )

As you should all know by now from my whining I'm at Telehouse this weekend and I went to a slightly quieter part with Ben to observe the two minutes silence. It happened to be next to a window and as I looked out over Docklands and towards central London and the Gherkin I kept thinking as I watched the cars still moving and the landscape that someone who was alive for the first two minutes silence in 1919 wouldn't recognise it today. It all looks like we've come so far but we haven't. People are still at war and killing one another today, and all the technology has served to do is make us more efficient at doing so. It happens elsewhere so we rarely see it, but it's still happening.

Also: I don't think a man as full of hate as Ian Paisly should be allowed to lay a wreath at the Cenotaph. It's just not right.

We're all doomed :|

Hate Bush. HatehimHatehimHatehim >.<

Also: 3 Weeks :o

We're all doomed :|

Hate Bush. HatehimHatehimHatehim >.<

Also: 3 Weeks :o

Those of you who get pissed off at politics would do best to ignore this one ;)

Today ex-MP Brian Sedgemore defected from Labour to the Liberal Democrats. I didn't really pay much attention to this story to begin with cos I didn't really care. Then metamoof pasted the link to his last speech in Parliament which was against Prevention of Terrorism Bill. I read it through and developed a whole hearted respect for this man. The speech is very strong stuff. It's certainly more than a little bit emotive.

( The text of the speech )

I was really surprised. At the advanced age of 21 I am incredibly cynical about parliamentary debates and get easily bored by them, but reading this speech made my hair stand on end.

He compares the system of justice in this country to being akin to the one that "found favour with the South African Government at the time of apartheid", but for me the most powerful connotations come from a paragraph further down the page where he states: "Many Members have gone nap on the matter. They voted: first, to abolish trial by jury in less serious cases; secondly, to abolish trial by jury in more serious cases; thirdly, to approve an unlawful war; fourthly, to create a gulag at Belmarsh; and fifthly, to lock up innocent people in their homes. It is truly terrifying to imagine what those Members of Parliament will vote for next.I can describe all that only as new Labour's descent into hell, which is not a place where I want to be."

For me this conjures up images of the Nazi state, possibly because of the things I have been reading at the moment (including Lawrence Rees' excellent "Auschwitz: The Nazis and the Final Solution"), but it brings up a theme that is touched upon by book after book, time after time. The erosion of the rights of the Jews in Germany were so gradual that it seemed that to ride it out and wait was the best course. It couldn't last, people told themselves, things would get better and they wouldn't get much worse. History tells us these people were wrong, but hindsight is a beautiful thing. I will admit the analogy is somewhat harsh, but it also shows us what a dangerous road we are starting on.

Our Human Rights are being chipped away at so slowly that we barely notice it in the name of freedom from fear. First this right is eroded, then that, and then another. If this continues one day we will have nothing left. I want to say, here and now, that the attacks on the 11th September 2001 made me no more afraid of the world around me than I was before. In the wake of all that has happened since I have become more afraid of the actions of our government, at home and abroad, and that of the US than I have those of terrorists.

Something in Mr Sedgemore's speech has touched a chord with me. I will be voting in this election and I will be voting against the party that has eroded my rights as a human and as a citizen. I will be voting against the party that took us into a war I did not support under the premise of a lie. I will be voting against the party that has time and again shown themselves to be untrustworthy.

I feel motivated to vote, and I will not be denied my oportunity to speak out, even if it is what others proclaim as "a wasted vote" or "a vote that will help the Conservatives win".

I will use my vote to make my stand.

Today I invaded Belgium, or, more specifically, Ypres.

I went with my special subject history class and it was really quite good fun, thought very thought provoking. The atmosphere on the coach changed after the first cemetary and it took until Calais for things to be "normal" again.

My pictures of Ypres are here.

Now for the write up.

We went to France through the Eurotunnel, which I was worried about to begin with because I can get i. Claustrophobic and ii. scared going through tunnels, expecially ones that run under water. Lots of people said I wouldn't notice. I did ;) Our coach went on there and stopped and then the doors were closed and it felt claustraphobic. Then we went into the tunnel and I concentrated very hard on my book to try and dissipate the feeling of terror. It kind of worked, and I got to the other end without a noticeble panic attack \o/ I smiled when we came out of the tunnel and really relaxed when the coach came off the Eurostar.

Long drive later (filled with commentary from our tutor, Dr Mark Connelly, we arrived in Ypres and started visiting cemitaries. Mark told us that a third of all the British War Dead from WWI are in or around Ypres. That was rather startling.

The first cemitary we visited (pictures 1477 to 1486) was Brandhoek New Cemetery. New cemeteries were built post war. Old cemeteries were established during the war. Brandhoek is largely filled with men who died at a medical facility and a large proportion of the dead here are made up of the Royal Army Medical Corps (RAMC), including Captain N. G. Chavasse who was one of only 3 people to ever win a Victoria Cross twice (VC and Bar).

The cemetary at Brandhoek was very small, especially compared to Tyne Cot which we would see later and was a very peaceful place. One of the most interesting and apt sights for me was seeing forget-me-nots growing on the graves.

( Brandhoek )

Next we visited Menin Road South (pictures 1487 to 1499), in which is buried a Colyer-Fergusson, also a VC winner and also connected to Kent Uni, as his family sponsor grants and concerts at the University.

( Menin Road South )

Tyne Cot (pictures 1500 to 1535) was next and this cemetery was truly awe inspiring. Tyne Cot is the largest British war cemetery anywhere in the world. There are 12,000 men buried in the cemetery of which only 2,000 have been identified. There are 35,000 men's names on the memorial to the missing.

Tyne Cot is so called because the German Pill Boxes that littered the area reminded the soldiers facing them of the miners cottages on the tyne. The nickname "tyne cot" was born.

The names are inscribed on the wall of the missing in order of regimental preference, meaning that the Guards were first, then the regiments of foot listed in order of age.

( Tyne Cot )

We drove past Poelcappelle on the way to Langemark. Poelcappell was noteworthy because it holds the grave of the youngest soldier to die in the war. He was 14. This seemed like a fitting mood-setter for Langemark.

Langemark (1536 to 1549) is the only German war cemetery in the area and has a mood and feeling completely different from any other cemetery I have been in. It just feels so full of sadness and sorrow and anger and dissappointment. In the small space of Langemark are buried at least 35,000 Germans. Listed on wooden plaques in the walls of the little chapel there are the names of the dead students from Germany's Universities. These are the same conscripts who went into war against regular soldiers singing. They were slaughtered.

Tyne Cot makes you think but Langemark gets under your skin in a way no other cemetery in Ypres does.

( Langemark )

Next we stopped quickly at St Julien (1551-1554), the site of the very first Gas Attack. The monument at St Julien was my favourite. It is truly beautiful. It is so very...respectful. I'm not sure that's the right word, but it's sort of what I mean.

( St Julien )

Finally, we went to Ypres itself (1554 to 1569), saw the Menin Gate and had lunch. The coolest thing at the Menin Gate was a scale model of the Gate made out of metal with a braille inscription around the outside for blind visitors. They can feel the model and get a feel for the gate. It's really very cool :D Ypres was fun (Also had the tackiest chocolate "souveniers" possible. Chocolate tommie's helmets. ehehehhee :)

Quote of the day:
In Ypres town square, Roy's bankcard gets rejected by the cash machine:
Stefan: See? This is why Natwest are crap
Roy: which bank are you with then?
Stefan: HSBC - The world's local bank - accepted everywhere. That's why I use it.
*inserts card, card is instantly rejected by machine*

( Menin Gate )

My impression of the day? It's kind of too soon to explain properly, though I'll try and put into words how I feel.

Paul Fussell said that one of the reasons that the people of the twenties felt they had completely lost the pre war world was that no language they knew then was up to the task of describing the war. Fussell explains that they had to invent new language to communicate what it was they felt. Having seen what I saw today I would say that actually Fussell is wrong and right at the same time. There was no language to describe it, but crucially there still is none today. No words can describe what I saw and felt. Words are completely and utterly useless for trying to quantify what I experienced today. I don't think that I will ever be properly able to do so.

I don't think I'm the only one who left feeling like that.

Today I invaded Belgium, or, more specifically, Ypres.

I went with my special subject history class and it was really quite good fun, thought very thought provoking. The atmosphere on the coach changed after the first cemetary and it took until Calais for things to be "normal" again.

My pictures of Ypres are here.

Now for the write up.

We went to France through the Eurotunnel, which I was worried about to begin with because I can get i. Claustrophobic and ii. scared going through tunnels, expecially ones that run under water. Lots of people said I wouldn't notice. I did ;) Our coach went on there and stopped and then the doors were closed and it felt claustraphobic. Then we went into the tunnel and I concentrated very hard on my book to try and dissipate the feeling of terror. It kind of worked, and I got to the other end without a noticeble panic attack \o/ I smiled when we came out of the tunnel and really relaxed when the coach came off the Eurostar.

Long drive later (filled with commentary from our tutor, Dr Mark Connelly, we arrived in Ypres and started visiting cemitaries. Mark told us that a third of all the British War Dead from WWI are in or around Ypres. That was rather startling.

The first cemitary we visited (pictures 1477 to 1486) was Brandhoek New Cemetery. New cemeteries were built post war. Old cemeteries were established during the war. Brandhoek is largely filled with men who died at a medical facility and a large proportion of the dead here are made up of the Royal Army Medical Corps (RAMC), including Captain N. G. Chavasse who was one of only 3 people to ever win a Victoria Cross twice (VC and Bar).

The cemetary at Brandhoek was very small, especially compared to Tyne Cot which we would see later and was a very peaceful place. One of the most interesting and apt sights for me was seeing forget-me-nots growing on the graves.

( Brandhoek )

Next we visited Menin Road South (pictures 1487 to 1499), in which is buried a Colyer-Fergusson, also a VC winner and also connected to Kent Uni, as his family sponsor grants and concerts at the University.

( Menin Road South )

Tyne Cot (pictures 1500 to 1535) was next and this cemetery was truly awe inspiring. Tyne Cot is the largest British war cemetery anywhere in the world. There are 12,000 men buried in the cemetery of which only 2,000 have been identified. There are 35,000 men's names on the memorial to the missing.

Tyne Cot is so called because the German Pill Boxes that littered the area reminded the soldiers facing them of the miners cottages on the tyne. The nickname "tyne cot" was born.

The names are inscribed on the wall of the missing in order of regimental preference, meaning that the Guards were first, then the regiments of foot listed in order of age.

( Tyne Cot )

We drove past Poelcappelle on the way to Langemark. Poelcappell was noteworthy because it holds the grave of the youngest soldier to die in the war. He was 14. This seemed like a fitting mood-setter for Langemark.

Langemark (1536 to 1549) is the only German war cemetery in the area and has a mood and feeling completely different from any other cemetery I have been in. It just feels so full of sadness and sorrow and anger and dissappointment. In the small space of Langemark are buried at least 35,000 Germans. Listed on wooden plaques in the walls of the little chapel there are the names of the dead students from Germany's Universities. These are the same conscripts who went into war against regular soldiers singing. They were slaughtered.

Tyne Cot makes you think but Langemark gets under your skin in a way no other cemetery in Ypres does.

( Langemark )

Next we stopped quickly at St Julien (1551-1554), the site of the very first Gas Attack. The monument at St Julien was my favourite. It is truly beautiful. It is so very...respectful. I'm not sure that's the right word, but it's sort of what I mean.

( St Julien )

Finally, we went to Ypres itself (1554 to 1569), saw the Menin Gate and had lunch. The coolest thing at the Menin Gate was a scale model of the Gate made out of metal with a braille inscription around the outside for blind visitors. They can feel the model and get a feel for the gate. It's really very cool :D Ypres was fun (Also had the tackiest chocolate "souveniers" possible. Chocolate tommie's helmets. ehehehhee :)

Quote of the day:
In Ypres town square, Roy's bankcard gets rejected by the cash machine:
Stefan: See? This is why Natwest are crap
Roy: which bank are you with then?
Stefan: HSBC - The world's local bank - accepted everywhere. That's why I use it.
*inserts card, card is instantly rejected by machine*

( Menin Gate )

My impression of the day? It's kind of too soon to explain properly, though I'll try and put into words how I feel.

Paul Fussell said that one of the reasons that the people of the twenties felt they had completely lost the pre war world was that no language they knew then was up to the task of describing the war. Fussell explains that they had to invent new language to communicate what it was they felt. Having seen what I saw today I would say that actually Fussell is wrong and right at the same time. There was no language to describe it, but crucially there still is none today. No words can describe what I saw and felt. Words are completely and utterly useless for trying to quantify what I experienced today. I don't think that I will ever be properly able to do so.

I don't think I'm the only one who left feeling like that.

There is no denying that World War One was a huge destructive event in British History, but I do not believe it was as futile, or thought of then as so futile as we believe now. I do not believe it was as terrible as we think it was now or that all the soldiers were scarred. I think people were changed but I'm inclined to think it was for the better, not for the worse. In addition, I do not believe the soldiers were all lions, nor that the generals were donkeys who through men and money at the war regardless of gains. I believe that Blackadder and its portrayal of the General Staff has very little bearing to reality.

Hrm.

Essay 1
How important was Oh! What a Lovely War in confirming the myth of the Great War?

2,918 / 2,500 (116.0%)

Found here in doc format and here in pdf.

Essay 2
In what ways and with what degree of success did the state promote new cultural policies during and immediately following the Second World War (1939-51)?

5,264 / 5,000 (105.0%)

Found here in doc format and here in pdf.

Proof readers please *begs*

Two down, two to go (including scary 10000 word one)

Essay 1
How important was Oh! What a Lovely War in confirming the myth of the Great War?

2,918 / 2,500 (116.0%)

Found here in doc format and here in pdf.

Essay 2
In what ways and with what degree of success did the state promote new cultural policies during and immediately following the Second World War (1939-51)?

5,264 / 5,000 (105.0%)

Found here in doc format and here in pdf.

Proof readers please *begs*

Two down, two to go (including scary 10000 word one)

I have now finished one essay.

2,918 / 2,500 (116.0%)

Oops - I'm over that word limit :S

I'd be greatful for proofreaders please:

How important was Oh! What a Lovely War in confirming the myth of the Great War? in document format
How important was Oh! What a Lovely War in confirming the myth of the Great War? in pdf format

One down, three to go... :S

This morning benc pointed me at an article he had read via his RSS feeds that had appeared in the Observer. This article is the account of a British man who was detained in Guantanamo Bay for 33 Months and it is truly horrifying. I don't usually quote from the bible and those who know me best will know that I'm in a very confusing place right now wrt religion, but I feel John 8:7 sums up perfectly what the attitude of the Coalition should be in all this. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Everyone knows that no person or country can be perfect but that they should try as hard as they can to be beyond recrimination. In their "War Upon Terror" the "coalition" is doing things that makes them as bad as, if not worse than the people who committed the September 11th atrocities. Do they really think that by performing torture and denying people their basic human rights they are going to gain support? All they are doing is turning more and more people against them as a country and Bush's regieme.

If this is the price of freeing the world from terrorism I want no part of it.

Not In My Name

This morning benc pointed me at an article he had read via his RSS feeds that had appeared in the Observer. This article is the account of a British man who was detained in Guantanamo Bay for 33 Months and it is truly horrifying. I don't usually quote from the bible and those who know me best will know that I'm in a very confusing place right now wrt religion, but I feel John 8:7 sums up perfectly what the attitude of the Coalition should be in all this. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Everyone knows that no person or country can be perfect but that they should try as hard as they can to be beyond recrimination. In their "War Upon Terror" the "coalition" is doing things that makes them as bad as, if not worse than the people who committed the September 11th atrocities. Do they really think that by performing torture and denying people their basic human rights they are going to gain support? All they are doing is turning more and more people against them as a country and Bush's regieme.

If this is the price of freeing the world from terrorism I want no part of it.

Not In My Name

Firstly I would like to link back to my earlier article about the poppy appeal. The poppy appeal is run by the Royal British Legion. The money from the poppy appeal goes into lots of different areas of the legion's work, including counselling, job retraining, skills assessment, getting the right pensions and benefits, advice and interest free loans for setting up small businesses, welfare grants, Remembrance Travel to war graves, convalescent and nursing care, and home and hospital visits. So buy a poppy and make a difference to them.

I would like to join one or two others in asking that people observe the two minutes silence, or at least respect the wishes of those who want to. This isn't just about World War One, it's about commemorating those who have died, military and civilian, in every conflict. It is also about honouring those who still live. Whether you agree with war or not (and I disagree with it unless it is a wholly neccessary conflict with clear reasons) the people who fight are at least brave enough to join up. I know I wouldn't be.

My tribute:

Here Dead We Lie - A. E. Housman

Here dead we lie
Because we did not choose
To live and shame the land
From which we sprung.

Life, to be sure,
Is nothing much to lose,
But young men think it is,
And we were young.

Rememberence Day is in two days. It means more to me this year, which is odd - I blame my World War One module this year.

Anyway - a banner is now on my website, and now below...



Please give generously. They really did believe they were fighting for Glory, Honour and the survival of civilisation.

They fought for you.

Rememberence Day is in two days. It means more to me this year, which is odd - I blame my World War One module this year.

Anyway - a banner is now on my website, and now below...



Please give generously. They really did believe they were fighting for Glory, Honour and the survival of civilisation.

They fought for you.

This weekend was Ben Tanner's stag night so my ben went up to London for it. This gave me the excuse to go home for an afternoon/evening and mum and I had a nice time, and I managed to get phil a working, uptodate kernel sorted (ben fixed the remaining broken bits in the morning). This means Phil now has something better than a 2.2.* that works :) Today ben and I had a lazy morning and came back to canterbury via Folkestone and the best ice cream shop in the world ever! :D On the way back we stopped at The Jackdaw in Denton (just outside Hawkinge), a pub featured in The Battle of Britain (an excellent war film with a great soundtrack and dog fight scenes). This led to two things. 1) an excellent lunch/tea thing, with wonderful desserts :D I reccommend this to anyone with a car :D 2) us humming the battle of britain march (the theme to the movie) all afternoon and evening :)

A really really nice weekend :)

P.S. We're in full stealth mode here at franklyn road to avoid trick and treaters. It's working so far, just hope the little buggers angels haven't egged my car...

Well I'm in the Library starting off a new Uni year (for me) in traditional style with procrastination from my reccommended reading.

So..um..what is going on with me I hear you ask.

Not a lot is the answer (now you see why I've not updated for a while ;))

I finished work at Andrew Reeves (the posh Belgravia estate agents) tho my last day was slightly marred by the people at Victoria trying to give me a penalty fare. I got on the train without a valid ticket cos otherwise I would have missed my train, fully intending to pay when I got to Victoria. When I got there and went to pay for my return ticket I got pulled to one side and treated like a criminal cos it's (apparently, tho I didn't know this) an offense to get on a train without a ticket if the ticket office is open. SO they said I needed to pay a penalty fare even though I tried to explain I would have missed my train and been late for work. They just carried on saying I'd need to pay the penalty fare and it got too much and I started to cry. The guy looked at me like I was putting it on...and then to cap the indignity I started to hyperventalate big time. My head started to tingle and I couldn't stand up so I sat down and all teh time he's watching me like I'm faking it. Eventually the two ticket barrier guys come over and ask me what's up and I try to tell them while not being able to breathe and one of them brings me some water (which I nearly choked on cos my breathing was so irregular by this point) and they argued with the Penalty Fare guy about it and eventually let me ppay just for my return ticket. Evetually, when I was sufficiently calm to stand again I started to go and the Penalty Fare guy looks at me, glares and says "that won't work again you know". Like I was doing it on purpose >.< I can think of better places to make myself look undignified, stupid and immature...

Beffan met me from work that day tho, so things started to improve :) We scandalised the carrage of our train with our talk ;)

Anyway, I saw Phantom of the Opera on Monday evening and it was absolutely magnificent. At the end I felt so sorry for the Phantom. I didn't have a great view from the balcony so I want to go again and sit in the stalls. Still, it took my breath away. It was brilliant.

Les Miserables was Tuesday's show and that was even better than Phantom, and very different. I saw this one from the stalls and had a wonderful view, and at the end the show had a standing Ovation. I didn't like the Older Cosette, but JVJ and Javert were great and Marius...*happy sigh* It made me cry more than once. It was overwhelming.

Came back to canterbury on Saturday and left behind a whole shedload of stuff :o(

Beffan is staying ATM and that is great :D

Rah cooked a lovely roast beef dinner yesterday which was *YUMYUM* :D and today is her 1st wedding anniversary - the weather a year ago today was much much nicer ;)

Speaking of weddings, ben and I have talked to the Vicar who will marry us on Friday and booked the wedding for the 3rd September 2005 at 3pm. The most complicated question of the whole thing for me was "Are you baptised" which ellicited the response "yes, no, possibly, not sure, maybe?" (see my history as a mormon for further explanation ;))

Mum found something to stop herself getting bored over the weekend - taking piccies of piccies and putting them up on her site. These include baby pics of me and pill, which is the reason the link will *NOT* be included here ;)

Ben and I watched Battle of Britain yesterday - top film :D

Umm...I'm sure there's other stuff I ment to include and forgot, in which case I may add it later :)

( obligatory LJ quiz )

Well I'm in the Library starting off a new Uni year (for me) in traditional style with procrastination from my reccommended reading.

So..um..what is going on with me I hear you ask.

Not a lot is the answer (now you see why I've not updated for a while ;))

I finished work at Andrew Reeves (the posh Belgravia estate agents) tho my last day was slightly marred by the people at Victoria trying to give me a penalty fare. I got on the train without a valid ticket cos otherwise I would have missed my train, fully intending to pay when I got to Victoria. When I got there and went to pay for my return ticket I got pulled to one side and treated like a criminal cos it's (apparently, tho I didn't know this) an offense to get on a train without a ticket if the ticket office is open. SO they said I needed to pay a penalty fare even though I tried to explain I would have missed my train and been late for work. They just carried on saying I'd need to pay the penalty fare and it got too much and I started to cry. The guy looked at me like I was putting it on...and then to cap the indignity I started to hyperventalate big time. My head started to tingle and I couldn't stand up so I sat down and all teh time he's watching me like I'm faking it. Eventually the two ticket barrier guys come over and ask me what's up and I try to tell them while not being able to breathe and one of them brings me some water (which I nearly choked on cos my breathing was so irregular by this point) and they argued with the Penalty Fare guy about it and eventually let me ppay just for my return ticket. Evetually, when I was sufficiently calm to stand again I started to go and the Penalty Fare guy looks at me, glares and says "that won't work again you know". Like I was doing it on purpose >.< I can think of better places to make myself look undignified, stupid and immature...

Beffan met me from work that day tho, so things started to improve :) We scandalised the carrage of our train with our talk ;)

Anyway, I saw Phantom of the Opera on Monday evening and it was absolutely magnificent. At the end I felt so sorry for the Phantom. I didn't have a great view from the balcony so I want to go again and sit in the stalls. Still, it took my breath away. It was brilliant.

Les Miserables was Tuesday's show and that was even better than Phantom, and very different. I saw this one from the stalls and had a wonderful view, and at the end the show had a standing Ovation. I didn't like the Older Cosette, but JVJ and Javert were great and Marius...*happy sigh* It made me cry more than once. It was overwhelming.

Came back to canterbury on Saturday and left behind a whole shedload of stuff :o(

Beffan is staying ATM and that is great :D

Rah cooked a lovely roast beef dinner yesterday which was *YUMYUM* :D and today is her 1st wedding anniversary - the weather a year ago today was much much nicer ;)

Speaking of weddings, ben and I have talked to the Vicar who will marry us on Friday and booked the wedding for the 3rd September 2005 at 3pm. The most complicated question of the whole thing for me was "Are you baptised" which ellicited the response "yes, no, possibly, not sure, maybe?" (see my history as a mormon for further explanation ;))

Mum found something to stop herself getting bored over the weekend - taking piccies of piccies and putting them up on her site. These include baby pics of me and pill, which is the reason the link will *NOT* be included here ;)

Ben and I watched Battle of Britain yesterday - top film :D

Umm...I'm sure there's other stuff I ment to include and forgot, in which case I may add it later :)

( obligatory LJ quiz )

Like I said yesterday morning I've been having a nice run of it atm...

( Saturday )

( Sunday )

( Monday )

( Tuesday and Today )

Anyway...that's just about it I think. Still have minor blips but nothing major since sunday. *crosses fingers*

Well I heard from Laura for the first time in months yesterday, which was cool. Suffered mood drop which wasn't. Watched A Diary for Timothy which wasn't as boring as it could have been and was only 40 mins long. At pasta pie from sainsburies which was yummy, watched coupling and curled up with ben for a bit which was jibbly. Stayed the night and woke up feeling more positive.

Went to doctors today cos mood crashes were worrying some people and it turns out I'm suffering from depression. Saw lovely doctor, so wasn't as scary as it could have been. Am glad I went. Feel a bit better for it.

Think I will go see MRP...need to book appt. tomorrow I think...

Well I heard from Laura for the first time in months yesterday, which was cool. Suffered mood drop which wasn't. Watched A Diary for Timothy which wasn't as boring as it could have been and was only 40 mins long. At pasta pie from sainsburies which was yummy, watched coupling and curled up with ben for a bit which was jibbly. Stayed the night and woke up feeling more positive.

Went to doctors today cos mood crashes were worrying some people and it turns out I'm suffering from depression. Saw lovely doctor, so wasn't as scary as it could have been. Am glad I went. Feel a bit better for it.

Think I will go see MRP...need to book appt. tomorrow I think...

Got back on Monday night and was in temper with the world. Had tooken part in a flame war of much flaminess on ukc.misc where I was repeatedly called a racist. I was annoyed, and not just cos o fthe accusations. I'd gotten so involved in the flame war that I wasted 5 hours in which I was going to do dissertation stuff. Got annoyed with ben, choir seemed to suck and I started to lose my voice. In short, monday wasn't good day.

Yesterday was bit better. Up early for work (urgh) and managed to manage my time so badly I didn't have time for breakkie and then struggled up the hill. Work wasn't bad inna morning, then went to Uni where I...umm...I wasted time till 10, then had Lighthouse breakfast with ben and Rah (and thi I didn't think Iit was possible, it has gone downhill *again* recently) then wasted time till lunch which ben and I had in the gulob and then off to my 1pm leccie.

We saw A Canterbury Tale which I thought was mostly boring, tho the canterbury bits were good, cos it shows the city as it was then, bomb damage and all.

Work not bad, scurried off as soon as children dropped. Had chicken rice and pie for dinner and watched CSI with ben. Was lovely :)

Today was module registration day. Went in and wasted an hour on computers and then had coffee. I stayed in Gulb after buying numerous cups of hot chocolate and fruit tea so I wouldn't get chucked out. Did some dissertation reading (finally!) and took a couplea pages of notes and quotes. Went to register for my special subject (double weighted final year history module). There are half a dozen or so subjects each with about 12 places and competition is fierce for the popular ones and the one I wanted was popular. It's about WW1 and the national psyche and is run by Mark Connelly whom I quite like anyway :) Also registered for my other subjects, both 100% coursework, both about museum work. Woo :D

Lunch with ben and then work.

Which was...interesting.
The children tried to kill themselves by crossing the Whitstable Road on their own. When I reached the kerb they were already half way across. They did this without looking both ways. The Whistable Road, is, as Canterbury people know, a very very busy road. I was livid and told them off then made them sit cross legged on the floor when they got hom. Then I told their parents.

If anything had happened it would have been *my* fault, regardless of if they were being stupid or not. No bikes tomorrow is punishment but their father was also considering grounding.

Good.

Jacket tatoes and cheese and sausages for dinner tonight.

Wooooo :D

( ni! )