Yesterday was a much better day for a couple of reasons. First, I got out for a bit a couple of times (getting some ginger tea and some peppermint tea, and some water biscuits to help mum with her nausea and vomiting; going to Coulsdon for a little bit of a wander with mum later), and secondly I achieved some stuff. I have a feeling that those things are quite important in making me feel useful and thus better about being here.

Mum had pretty bad nausea and vomiting on Monday and during Monday night, but started to feel better on Tuesday morning, though still very tired. She cancelled some visitors who were supposed to be coming in the morning and rested and managed to eat something, and by Lunchtime felt up to attempting to go out, so we took it in several steps, which seemed to help her. Pension first, then Coulsdon itself. First to Coulsdon Hardware to get a new mop and bucket (having broken mum's mop during the great room tidy project - it was very funny, Phil looked all forlorn and said looking very sad "I could have sworn [the squeegee mechanism] would have worked before I actually broke it...), then as she was still doing ok we went on to the butchers for some sausages for tomorrow night, then as she was still doing ok we went on to the Coffee place that has sprung up in Coulsdon since I moved away/the bypass was built. A cold drink from there and some carrot cake seemed to do wonders for perking mum up, as, I'm pretty sure, did just getting out. The whole trip wiped her out, but she said she felt better for it.

While she had a sleep I went to work playing with the mop trialling the mop, before losing interest mopping the floors in the kitchen and the bathroom, and hoovering all the other floors while I was at it and had the vacuum cleaner out. I'm pretty sure that the kitchen floor is better for it. I hope so anyway, because it was hard work.

My adventures in cleaning did reveal to me some interesting personality traits in my mum's cats though. George, who is enormous and I think likes to think of himself as a bit of a hard man, is a big scaredy cat who is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. When I went near his chosen sitting place with it on he jumped up and ran away. On the other hand, Violet, who is his sister and very petite, wasn't scared of the vacuum or the mop, or the fact the kitchen floor was wet, and stayed put in the kitchen on her chosen worktop the whole time I was working in there. But curiously I found out while was taking a break that Violet is scared of 80's Power Ballads. While I was taking a break and listening to a rather eclectic mix of music, Violet was curled up next to me asleep. Every time an 80's Power Ballad came on, she'd jump up and look a bit freaked out and need some fussing before she'd relax again. It was very cute. And funny. And I'm clearly mean ;)

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent in my little room again, catching up on various internet things, including the CBB, where I asked for prayers and thoughts to do with this situation and everyone has been overwhelmingly amazing. I can't express how touched I am with the responses, especially towards someone who is largely a lurker now and most people don't know well, but will have a go later at expressing it anyway, because they deserve to know how awesome they are.

Anyway, while I was geeking around with my laptop I became aware of being very cold. I assumed I was just being a big girly wuss, especially as this room is colder than the others because of an air vent in the wall. About half 7 I finally got around to checking on the radiator and it was stone cold at a time when I knew it should be on, and discovered that the gas had run out (I'd forgotten how much of a pain these type of meters could be). Ended up taking the gas card and the electric key down to the place in the valley that tops them up and decided while I was out I'd get a pizza for dinner because I really couldn't be bothered to cook by this time. All this meant I was back a bit later than I otherwise would have been and I walked into a gaggle (if two plus a toddler is a gaggle) of Mormons, so my pizza went cold while we all talked. As most of you know, I'm no longer a Mormon, and my time with them was often rather, um, fraught, but one of the people (Good Guy) who was there is the only one who consistently stood by my family through everything and who still talks to, and is on good terms with us. Which is the reason I didn't shoo him out of the door faster.

Mum resigned from the church finally last year sometime over the Church's interference with California's Proposition 8 last year, and has foregone contact with them (except for Good Guy) for long before that, so it was a bit of a surprise to see this man with his Home Teaching companion. They'd come to offer mum a Priesthood Blessing as apparently when Good Guy saw her on Sunday to see if there was anything he could do, he offered one and mum said she'd think about it.

Anyway, she decided that actually she didn't want one and proceeded to doze through the rest of the visit - good for her - while I chatted because after about 6 years out, and 6 years inactive before, and what they did to me and my family (lots of hurt/bitterness still) that I still don't feel like I can be rude to them. Gah. Still, the visit did result in Good Guy saying he'd do some basic garden maintenance for us, which is good because Phil and I are too busy (and I'm too inept when it comes to garden stuff) and mum too ill to be able to do it ourselves. I also chatted to the Home Teaching Companion about UKC, where he was a student at KLS until 2007, which was quite nice. Alas, I fear I have given away too much of my location to him in my desire to express how much I loved Canterbury. Hope we don't end up with a visit from the missionaries...

When I finally got to my pizza it was lukewarm, fading to cold before the end :( I've no idea how they manage it, but Mormons seem very good at turning up when dinner is nearly or actually ready and then talking until it's cold :(

Currently waiting for the Tesco delivery to arrive and feeling the early and cold today. I'd then go back to sleep and be a big lazy thing, but it's mum's payday and if she feels up to it has a number of things she wants to do.


Much later - Tesco turned up, food is all put away. Think I may have ordered too much. Fridge and Freezer cannae take much more captain! Also managed to have a shower, in preparation for venturing to Croydon later if mum feels up to it.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered

I know most of you know already, but I'll post here anyway :)

I got a 2:1, which is what I wanted, so yay!

Scarily there was only one first in history and no thirds or passes - so we're all pretty average really ;)

For those of you who don't know the UK's way of classifying degrees at undergrad level:

A first is the best anyone can get
A 2:1 is next
followed by a 2:2
and a third
with a pass last. With a pass you don't get an honours degree if you're doing one.

After this comes fail :( *huggles pete* (what can I say - that result really threw me - it's left a kinda bitter-sweet thing hanging over yesterday. *more hugs*)

So anyway, I'm now Elizabeth Overal B.A. (hons)

\o/

I wish it wasn't over :(

I think I'm actually going to go insane...

I apologise for the angst in this entry - I promise it won't last.

Haven't been sleeping properly this past week and today is the big day... no - not the wedding :P Today I finish my job with the children (:'() and get my degree result (very scary).

I just want today to be over now...

After my exam today ben met me at the small hall as a surprise. He brought with him a ( card ), enclosed in which was a ( pair of tickets to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat at the Marlowe tonight. ) He also proposed a meal at Ask in Canterbury before to which I happily agreed. I got dolled up and out we went. We had a lovely dinner and really took our time over eating. Got to the theatre about 20 mins before the performance and ben wandered over to the huge image of a face which acts as an "interesting" sculpture outside said theatre. I wittered on about things not very important and wandered about a bit with my back to him. Then I heard Ben say my name and I turned round, and there he was, on one knee with a jewellery box. He opened it and displayed my proper engagement ring in all its full glory. The ring was made by Ben's dad and only just finished this week.

It was well worth the wait :D

As for Joseph? It was good, but the ring was better ;)


My Engagement Ring

please note, keyboard only used to steady ring while good pictures were taken using both hands, keyboard is *not* reflective of my geekiness :P

All pics of today and the ring here and here.

Today I invaded Belgium, or, more specifically, Ypres.

I went with my special subject history class and it was really quite good fun, thought very thought provoking. The atmosphere on the coach changed after the first cemetary and it took until Calais for things to be "normal" again.

My pictures of Ypres are here.

Now for the write up.

We went to France through the Eurotunnel, which I was worried about to begin with because I can get i. Claustrophobic and ii. scared going through tunnels, expecially ones that run under water. Lots of people said I wouldn't notice. I did ;) Our coach went on there and stopped and then the doors were closed and it felt claustraphobic. Then we went into the tunnel and I concentrated very hard on my book to try and dissipate the feeling of terror. It kind of worked, and I got to the other end without a noticeble panic attack \o/ I smiled when we came out of the tunnel and really relaxed when the coach came off the Eurostar.

Long drive later (filled with commentary from our tutor, Dr Mark Connelly, we arrived in Ypres and started visiting cemitaries. Mark told us that a third of all the British War Dead from WWI are in or around Ypres. That was rather startling.

The first cemitary we visited (pictures 1477 to 1486) was Brandhoek New Cemetery. New cemeteries were built post war. Old cemeteries were established during the war. Brandhoek is largely filled with men who died at a medical facility and a large proportion of the dead here are made up of the Royal Army Medical Corps (RAMC), including Captain N. G. Chavasse who was one of only 3 people to ever win a Victoria Cross twice (VC and Bar).

The cemetary at Brandhoek was very small, especially compared to Tyne Cot which we would see later and was a very peaceful place. One of the most interesting and apt sights for me was seeing forget-me-nots growing on the graves.

( Brandhoek )

Next we visited Menin Road South (pictures 1487 to 1499), in which is buried a Colyer-Fergusson, also a VC winner and also connected to Kent Uni, as his family sponsor grants and concerts at the University.

( Menin Road South )

Tyne Cot (pictures 1500 to 1535) was next and this cemetery was truly awe inspiring. Tyne Cot is the largest British war cemetery anywhere in the world. There are 12,000 men buried in the cemetery of which only 2,000 have been identified. There are 35,000 men's names on the memorial to the missing.

Tyne Cot is so called because the German Pill Boxes that littered the area reminded the soldiers facing them of the miners cottages on the tyne. The nickname "tyne cot" was born.

The names are inscribed on the wall of the missing in order of regimental preference, meaning that the Guards were first, then the regiments of foot listed in order of age.

( Tyne Cot )

We drove past Poelcappelle on the way to Langemark. Poelcappell was noteworthy because it holds the grave of the youngest soldier to die in the war. He was 14. This seemed like a fitting mood-setter for Langemark.

Langemark (1536 to 1549) is the only German war cemetery in the area and has a mood and feeling completely different from any other cemetery I have been in. It just feels so full of sadness and sorrow and anger and dissappointment. In the small space of Langemark are buried at least 35,000 Germans. Listed on wooden plaques in the walls of the little chapel there are the names of the dead students from Germany's Universities. These are the same conscripts who went into war against regular soldiers singing. They were slaughtered.

Tyne Cot makes you think but Langemark gets under your skin in a way no other cemetery in Ypres does.

( Langemark )

Next we stopped quickly at St Julien (1551-1554), the site of the very first Gas Attack. The monument at St Julien was my favourite. It is truly beautiful. It is so very...respectful. I'm not sure that's the right word, but it's sort of what I mean.

( St Julien )

Finally, we went to Ypres itself (1554 to 1569), saw the Menin Gate and had lunch. The coolest thing at the Menin Gate was a scale model of the Gate made out of metal with a braille inscription around the outside for blind visitors. They can feel the model and get a feel for the gate. It's really very cool :D Ypres was fun (Also had the tackiest chocolate "souveniers" possible. Chocolate tommie's helmets. ehehehhee :)

Quote of the day:
In Ypres town square, Roy's bankcard gets rejected by the cash machine:
Stefan: See? This is why Natwest are crap
Roy: which bank are you with then?
Stefan: HSBC - The world's local bank - accepted everywhere. That's why I use it.
*inserts card, card is instantly rejected by machine*

( Menin Gate )

My impression of the day? It's kind of too soon to explain properly, though I'll try and put into words how I feel.

Paul Fussell said that one of the reasons that the people of the twenties felt they had completely lost the pre war world was that no language they knew then was up to the task of describing the war. Fussell explains that they had to invent new language to communicate what it was they felt. Having seen what I saw today I would say that actually Fussell is wrong and right at the same time. There was no language to describe it, but crucially there still is none today. No words can describe what I saw and felt. Words are completely and utterly useless for trying to quantify what I experienced today. I don't think that I will ever be properly able to do so.

I don't think I'm the only one who left feeling like that.

Pissed Off

"why?" I hear you ask.

I'll tell you.

I have a 5k word essay due in on Friday at 12pm. I looked for the books in the library (of which there is generally one copy of each text for a class of 15 all of whom will be writing the essay) at the end of last term and found they were all out on four week loan and not due back until this Wednesday. I found the books I could and put reservations on the others and sent an email to my tutor for this subject explaining the situation and asking if he had any of these texts that I could borrow for the holidays, mentioning that I could collect them from anywhere in the Canterbury area.

The email bounced because his email box was full.

Today I found him to ask

1. Why the texts weren't in the short loans collection when there are so few of them and would clearly be in short supply


2. Why a certain text wasn't in the library at all


3. If I could have an extention in light of the fact that I could not get hold of a majority of the texts I needed to write the essay

He agreed at once to item 3 in light of the circumstances. In response to question 2 he said it was the History Librarian's fault and he had requested the book in 2003 and it still hadn't been purchased. This goes against everything I know of the History Librarian who when asked by my other history tutor always makes appropriate provision for the books of that module. To item 1 he said to me that I should have

1. started work on my essay when I got the title and book list in the middle of last term


2. appraised him on the situation of availability of books because he is "a very busy man who has to keep track of a great many things"


3. put a reserve on the items I wanted

Number 3 I did, but when the items aren't due back until two days before the essay is due in there is not a lot putting a reserve on an item can do. Number 1 is a fair point and I know I should have started sooner. However, I didn't and given the number of people who needed the books and the amount of time the chances are that without them being put into short loans not everyone would have had access to them anyway.*1 I believe point number 2 is him trying to excuse himself. It is not the task of the student to make sure that the texts they need are properly available from the library. Before he issued the book list he should have made sure that all items on it were easily available for the number of students who would need access to them. He is the lecturer and he should liase with library staff to ensure each book on that list has the relevant amount of loan time attached.

When I told him that I had emailed him during the holidays about it and the email had bounced he said "sweetheart, you need to be realistic about these things. Firstly I was in Suffolk*2 and secondly it's unreasonable for you to expect me to check my email on boxing day. Noone checks their email then".*3

After this I was far too pissed to speak any more so I thanked him for the extention after telling him once more that it was unacceptable and walked out.

I'm still livid. I know I probably overreacted, but I'm still rather angry. Just

GRRRRR

.

On top of this he was being all flappy all lesson about how the ten week term this term (usually 12 weeks - two weeks are carried over to the next term this year owing to an early easter). He told us he had cut some material because the shorter term meant he couldn't fit everything in. This is not true. The general understanding is that in this event the first two weeks are to be treated as the last two of the previous term. He explained that nothing like this had happened before. Bollocks had it - I know that at the University of Kent we used to run by a three terms of 10 weeks instead of the 12 12 6 system that we have at present, and this was not so long ago (though before my time ;)). Certainly during his. He's been here for years.

I give up with History Professors. I really do >.<

*sigh*

*grrrr*

*1 ordinary loan is 4 weeks. There are options available to tutors for soon to become high demand books to have them put to 1 week loan, short loan collection (a loan of overnight [from whenever the books is withdrawn until 10am the next day]) or even short loan four hour collection where the book is restricted to the library and only allowed to be used for a stretch of four hours at a time.

*2 may not have been Suffolk. I was a rather pissed at the time from him calling me "sweetheart". Was also very pissed for being patronised. I'm 21. There is no need to treat me as if I'm 6.

*3 I checked mine every day of the holidays including christmas day :o I wasn't asking him to check it then, or on boxing day, but at some point during the holidays was not too much to ask I feel.

Got back on Monday night and was in temper with the world. Had tooken part in a flame war of much flaminess on ukc.misc where I was repeatedly called a racist. I was annoyed, and not just cos o fthe accusations. I'd gotten so involved in the flame war that I wasted 5 hours in which I was going to do dissertation stuff. Got annoyed with ben, choir seemed to suck and I started to lose my voice. In short, monday wasn't good day.

Yesterday was bit better. Up early for work (urgh) and managed to manage my time so badly I didn't have time for breakkie and then struggled up the hill. Work wasn't bad inna morning, then went to Uni where I...umm...I wasted time till 10, then had Lighthouse breakfast with ben and Rah (and thi I didn't think Iit was possible, it has gone downhill *again* recently) then wasted time till lunch which ben and I had in the gulob and then off to my 1pm leccie.

We saw A Canterbury Tale which I thought was mostly boring, tho the canterbury bits were good, cos it shows the city as it was then, bomb damage and all.

Work not bad, scurried off as soon as children dropped. Had chicken rice and pie for dinner and watched CSI with ben. Was lovely :)

Today was module registration day. Went in and wasted an hour on computers and then had coffee. I stayed in Gulb after buying numerous cups of hot chocolate and fruit tea so I wouldn't get chucked out. Did some dissertation reading (finally!) and took a couplea pages of notes and quotes. Went to register for my special subject (double weighted final year history module). There are half a dozen or so subjects each with about 12 places and competition is fierce for the popular ones and the one I wanted was popular. It's about WW1 and the national psyche and is run by Mark Connelly whom I quite like anyway :) Also registered for my other subjects, both 100% coursework, both about museum work. Woo :D

Lunch with ben and then work.

Which was...interesting.
The children tried to kill themselves by crossing the Whitstable Road on their own. When I reached the kerb they were already half way across. They did this without looking both ways. The Whistable Road, is, as Canterbury people know, a very very busy road. I was livid and told them off then made them sit cross legged on the floor when they got hom. Then I told their parents.

If anything had happened it would have been *my* fault, regardless of if they were being stupid or not. No bikes tomorrow is punishment but their father was also considering grounding.

Good.

Jacket tatoes and cheese and sausages for dinner tonight.

Wooooo :D

( ni! )