Scattered thoughts

Term has finished now. Been a rather hectic one too, there seemed to be no time to stop and breathe. Still, hopefully the holidays should give me some breathing space. Ben and I finished most of our Christmas shopping yesterday and cos it was a Monday and term still hasn't finished for most schools it wasn't too horrid. Unfortunately will have to do the last few bits in Croydon on the 23rd - that *will* be horrible :( Still, feel accomplished that most of it is out of the way :)

For those of you interested in my academic work, my marks have jumped this year from an average of 58% to an average of 68%. I'm so proud of myself :D I hope I can keep it up, cos this would mean I could graduate with a definate 2:1, which is what I'm after. Still, I'll cross my fingers and hope quietly that I can keep it up. Have holiday work to do, which sucks :( Even worse is that all the books I need are out of the library until the 12th January, with the deadline being 5 days or so after that :| Will need to talk to my tutor I think.

Speaking of my tutor, some may recall the battle over powerpoint I had with him:

( first email to tutor )

I got a reply:

( first email from tutor )

So I sent him an email back:

( second email to tutor )

I never recieved a reply. As a result my partner and I did a powerpoint pres and printed it to sheets of assitate instead, as they were the facilities available to us :|

After out visit to the British Museum as part of the course (piccies here), I sent him a link to the pictures I took. And got a reply:

( surprising letter from my tutor )

Bwhahaha. I shall view that as a victory! :D

Anyway, this has been long and boring enough, so I shall finish up now with a meme I stole from red_pill.

( end of year meme )

It's my birthday in a week and two days and I shall be 21. Most of you don't care, but for those that do and don't know what to get me and wish to cheat (:P) this is my wishlist on amazon.

In other news it was the kids half term this week and I feel very rested from lie ins. Went to interesting Open Lecture about WW1 troop equipment yesterday, couldn't afford to go meet darren and kat :( Ended up watching anti-trust. Ben called me a geek cos of the comments I made while watching it. Still is a cool movie :)

La la la la *bounce* *splat*

..but today I was absolutely fuming. Livid or Furious are good words to describe the state I was in, and thinking about it logically I can't even work out why I was so very very angry over this incident.

Today I had my Museum and Heratage seminar thingy and there's a clique of three people who always sit together in the seminar and talk half way through. I don't like them and they strike me as unpleasent in not what they say, but how they say it. At the end of the seminar (which was quite dull in itself) Dr Ormrod was trying to work out who would do a group presentation on which subject. I volunteered right at the beginning to do the one for next week but noone volunteered to help and so I assumed one of the duds who never turns up would be assigned to me, which was bad enough. Anyway, the clique who had been talking very loudly in their corner lost the tussel for the presentation they wanted and immediately expressed interest in mine. Dr Ormrod said only two of the three could do it with me because of the number in the group as a whole. To be honest I was a bit angry already because they didn't want the presentation until most other options had been removed from them. Then I went to exchange email addys to find the other person telling me that *She* had to be in our group becasue the only things left were in the last two weeks and she couldn't do those cos she wouldn't be here. So for this presentation which counts for 20% of my final marks I will be dictated to by a clique of people I don't like and who clearly don't like me and it will all get screwed up. There are four doing a three people (max) presentation and Dr Ormrod doesn't even know. I know my personality isn't strong enough to assert my views and *win* any struggle ahead.

I'm angry. Less angry than I was, but that only means I don't want to really properly hurt people any more. I'm slowly calming down. I scared myself with how angry I was. *growl*

I just don't know what to do :(

I now have my Provisional Timetable:

Monday 10am - 1pm HI603/HI604 MUSEUMS AND THE NATIONAL HERATAGE

Thursday 1pm - 4pm HI652/HI653 THE GREAT WAR, BRITISH CULTURE, MEMORY AND HISTORY

Not bad really, especially as both of the kids have clubs on a Thursday afternoon till gone 4. Gives me lots of time to do the reading and prep and things :)

I went to the doctor's today and had a good appt. Booked in again for a couplea weeks time, just before I go home for easter. She's a nice doctor and I'm glad I went even if I didn't want to before hand.

Am on the up now, my mood climbing a bit at a time. Had a bad afternoon yesterday. Had been really bouncy in the morning then at lunchtime I started spiralling down and didn't pull out of it till very late.

Yesterday as a whole was actually a good day, despite the mood spiral. I was pleased with myself for being able to write a 3000 word essay with IRC in the background and cos Sue was off sick I had a chance to talk to and play with paul which is always good cos whne he's in a good mood he cheers me up. Yesterday he was telling me about trees and how cutting them down killed them and doing all the actions and things nad tho I could only understand half the stuff he said (he's only 3) it was still great fun. He also said he liked me :)

I had a very positive meeting about my Speical Subject in Rutherford Upper Senior Common Room which is a really nice room and recognisable as the place where my UCAS stuff took place ;) It's got a beautiful view cos its at the very top of the building and am now getting quite excited about the course.

There are more Guys than Girls (not surprising for a topic that's partly military history, but I can tell by the way that at least one of them speaks to me that he is sexist... or at least looks down on me *git*) but still should be cool.

Have option of a 6000 word diss instead of the primary evidence paper which sounds good and if I do that together with te other modules I'm planning to do I should only have one exam next year. He says if we don't egt it done on time we won't be penalised, just reregistered for the exam instead. We will be having a trip to Ypres and also to the IWM and NAM. I've been to all these places before but they're great so I'm looking forward to going again and seeing them from a different perspective.

Ben and I had a nice cuddle together and he forced me to go out tho I didn't want to and that was good for me cos it started to help me pull out of how I was feeling. Foo and rah cooked nice meal of spag bol type things (tho too many carrots) and then crumpets and chocolate spread for afters (inspired by Paul's breakfast ;))

Went to bed as soon as got in...was very very tired and as a consequence got 10 and a half hours sleep or so. As a consequence of that I woke up on my own at 5:30 and got to doze for 30 mins or so which was a nice luxury. Was out of the house on time and did the hill all in one go which made me feel both tired and accomplished and even had time to photograph some frogspawn ben and I noticed a few days ago and have been watching develop. Can't wait till they hatch and become tadpoles. I want even more to see them as frogs cos I like frogs - they remind me of my pet frog Roger from when I was 8 :)

Like I said yesterday morning I've been having a nice run of it atm...

( Saturday )

( Sunday )

( Monday )

( Tuesday and Today )

Anyway...that's just about it I think. Still have minor blips but nothing major since sunday. *crosses fingers*

Well I heard from Laura for the first time in months yesterday, which was cool. Suffered mood drop which wasn't. Watched A Diary for Timothy which wasn't as boring as it could have been and was only 40 mins long. At pasta pie from sainsburies which was yummy, watched coupling and curled up with ben for a bit which was jibbly. Stayed the night and woke up feeling more positive.

Went to doctors today cos mood crashes were worrying some people and it turns out I'm suffering from depression. Saw lovely doctor, so wasn't as scary as it could have been. Am glad I went. Feel a bit better for it.

Think I will go see MRP...need to book appt. tomorrow I think...

Got back on Monday night and was in temper with the world. Had tooken part in a flame war of much flaminess on ukc.misc where I was repeatedly called a racist. I was annoyed, and not just cos o fthe accusations. I'd gotten so involved in the flame war that I wasted 5 hours in which I was going to do dissertation stuff. Got annoyed with ben, choir seemed to suck and I started to lose my voice. In short, monday wasn't good day.

Yesterday was bit better. Up early for work (urgh) and managed to manage my time so badly I didn't have time for breakkie and then struggled up the hill. Work wasn't bad inna morning, then went to Uni where I...umm...I wasted time till 10, then had Lighthouse breakfast with ben and Rah (and thi I didn't think Iit was possible, it has gone downhill *again* recently) then wasted time till lunch which ben and I had in the gulob and then off to my 1pm leccie.

We saw A Canterbury Tale which I thought was mostly boring, tho the canterbury bits were good, cos it shows the city as it was then, bomb damage and all.

Work not bad, scurried off as soon as children dropped. Had chicken rice and pie for dinner and watched CSI with ben. Was lovely :)

Today was module registration day. Went in and wasted an hour on computers and then had coffee. I stayed in Gulb after buying numerous cups of hot chocolate and fruit tea so I wouldn't get chucked out. Did some dissertation reading (finally!) and took a couplea pages of notes and quotes. Went to register for my special subject (double weighted final year history module). There are half a dozen or so subjects each with about 12 places and competition is fierce for the popular ones and the one I wanted was popular. It's about WW1 and the national psyche and is run by Mark Connelly whom I quite like anyway :) Also registered for my other subjects, both 100% coursework, both about museum work. Woo :D

Lunch with ben and then work.

Which was...interesting.
The children tried to kill themselves by crossing the Whitstable Road on their own. When I reached the kerb they were already half way across. They did this without looking both ways. The Whistable Road, is, as Canterbury people know, a very very busy road. I was livid and told them off then made them sit cross legged on the floor when they got hom. Then I told their parents.

If anything had happened it would have been *my* fault, regardless of if they were being stupid or not. No bikes tomorrow is punishment but their father was also considering grounding.

Good.

Jacket tatoes and cheese and sausages for dinner tonight.

Wooooo :D

( ni! )