Today I invaded Belgium, or, more specifically, Ypres.

I went with my special subject history class and it was really quite good fun, thought very thought provoking. The atmosphere on the coach changed after the first cemetary and it took until Calais for things to be "normal" again.

My pictures of Ypres are here.

Now for the write up.

We went to France through the Eurotunnel, which I was worried about to begin with because I can get i. Claustrophobic and ii. scared going through tunnels, expecially ones that run under water. Lots of people said I wouldn't notice. I did ;) Our coach went on there and stopped and then the doors were closed and it felt claustraphobic. Then we went into the tunnel and I concentrated very hard on my book to try and dissipate the feeling of terror. It kind of worked, and I got to the other end without a noticeble panic attack \o/ I smiled when we came out of the tunnel and really relaxed when the coach came off the Eurostar.

Long drive later (filled with commentary from our tutor, Dr Mark Connelly, we arrived in Ypres and started visiting cemitaries. Mark told us that a third of all the British War Dead from WWI are in or around Ypres. That was rather startling.

The first cemitary we visited (pictures 1477 to 1486) was Brandhoek New Cemetery. New cemeteries were built post war. Old cemeteries were established during the war. Brandhoek is largely filled with men who died at a medical facility and a large proportion of the dead here are made up of the Royal Army Medical Corps (RAMC), including Captain N. G. Chavasse who was one of only 3 people to ever win a Victoria Cross twice (VC and Bar).

The cemetary at Brandhoek was very small, especially compared to Tyne Cot which we would see later and was a very peaceful place. One of the most interesting and apt sights for me was seeing forget-me-nots growing on the graves.

( Brandhoek )

Next we visited Menin Road South (pictures 1487 to 1499), in which is buried a Colyer-Fergusson, also a VC winner and also connected to Kent Uni, as his family sponsor grants and concerts at the University.

( Menin Road South )

Tyne Cot (pictures 1500 to 1535) was next and this cemetery was truly awe inspiring. Tyne Cot is the largest British war cemetery anywhere in the world. There are 12,000 men buried in the cemetery of which only 2,000 have been identified. There are 35,000 men's names on the memorial to the missing.

Tyne Cot is so called because the German Pill Boxes that littered the area reminded the soldiers facing them of the miners cottages on the tyne. The nickname "tyne cot" was born.

The names are inscribed on the wall of the missing in order of regimental preference, meaning that the Guards were first, then the regiments of foot listed in order of age.

( Tyne Cot )

We drove past Poelcappelle on the way to Langemark. Poelcappell was noteworthy because it holds the grave of the youngest soldier to die in the war. He was 14. This seemed like a fitting mood-setter for Langemark.

Langemark (1536 to 1549) is the only German war cemetery in the area and has a mood and feeling completely different from any other cemetery I have been in. It just feels so full of sadness and sorrow and anger and dissappointment. In the small space of Langemark are buried at least 35,000 Germans. Listed on wooden plaques in the walls of the little chapel there are the names of the dead students from Germany's Universities. These are the same conscripts who went into war against regular soldiers singing. They were slaughtered.

Tyne Cot makes you think but Langemark gets under your skin in a way no other cemetery in Ypres does.

( Langemark )

Next we stopped quickly at St Julien (1551-1554), the site of the very first Gas Attack. The monument at St Julien was my favourite. It is truly beautiful. It is so very...respectful. I'm not sure that's the right word, but it's sort of what I mean.

( St Julien )

Finally, we went to Ypres itself (1554 to 1569), saw the Menin Gate and had lunch. The coolest thing at the Menin Gate was a scale model of the Gate made out of metal with a braille inscription around the outside for blind visitors. They can feel the model and get a feel for the gate. It's really very cool :D Ypres was fun (Also had the tackiest chocolate "souveniers" possible. Chocolate tommie's helmets. ehehehhee :)

Quote of the day:
In Ypres town square, Roy's bankcard gets rejected by the cash machine:
Stefan: See? This is why Natwest are crap
Roy: which bank are you with then?
Stefan: HSBC - The world's local bank - accepted everywhere. That's why I use it.
*inserts card, card is instantly rejected by machine*

( Menin Gate )

My impression of the day? It's kind of too soon to explain properly, though I'll try and put into words how I feel.

Paul Fussell said that one of the reasons that the people of the twenties felt they had completely lost the pre war world was that no language they knew then was up to the task of describing the war. Fussell explains that they had to invent new language to communicate what it was they felt. Having seen what I saw today I would say that actually Fussell is wrong and right at the same time. There was no language to describe it, but crucially there still is none today. No words can describe what I saw and felt. Words are completely and utterly useless for trying to quantify what I experienced today. I don't think that I will ever be properly able to do so.

I don't think I'm the only one who left feeling like that.

Pissed Off

"why?" I hear you ask.

I'll tell you.

I have a 5k word essay due in on Friday at 12pm. I looked for the books in the library (of which there is generally one copy of each text for a class of 15 all of whom will be writing the essay) at the end of last term and found they were all out on four week loan and not due back until this Wednesday. I found the books I could and put reservations on the others and sent an email to my tutor for this subject explaining the situation and asking if he had any of these texts that I could borrow for the holidays, mentioning that I could collect them from anywhere in the Canterbury area.

The email bounced because his email box was full.

Today I found him to ask

1. Why the texts weren't in the short loans collection when there are so few of them and would clearly be in short supply


2. Why a certain text wasn't in the library at all


3. If I could have an extention in light of the fact that I could not get hold of a majority of the texts I needed to write the essay

He agreed at once to item 3 in light of the circumstances. In response to question 2 he said it was the History Librarian's fault and he had requested the book in 2003 and it still hadn't been purchased. This goes against everything I know of the History Librarian who when asked by my other history tutor always makes appropriate provision for the books of that module. To item 1 he said to me that I should have

1. started work on my essay when I got the title and book list in the middle of last term


2. appraised him on the situation of availability of books because he is "a very busy man who has to keep track of a great many things"


3. put a reserve on the items I wanted

Number 3 I did, but when the items aren't due back until two days before the essay is due in there is not a lot putting a reserve on an item can do. Number 1 is a fair point and I know I should have started sooner. However, I didn't and given the number of people who needed the books and the amount of time the chances are that without them being put into short loans not everyone would have had access to them anyway.*1 I believe point number 2 is him trying to excuse himself. It is not the task of the student to make sure that the texts they need are properly available from the library. Before he issued the book list he should have made sure that all items on it were easily available for the number of students who would need access to them. He is the lecturer and he should liase with library staff to ensure each book on that list has the relevant amount of loan time attached.

When I told him that I had emailed him during the holidays about it and the email had bounced he said "sweetheart, you need to be realistic about these things. Firstly I was in Suffolk*2 and secondly it's unreasonable for you to expect me to check my email on boxing day. Noone checks their email then".*3

After this I was far too pissed to speak any more so I thanked him for the extention after telling him once more that it was unacceptable and walked out.

I'm still livid. I know I probably overreacted, but I'm still rather angry. Just

GRRRRR

.

On top of this he was being all flappy all lesson about how the ten week term this term (usually 12 weeks - two weeks are carried over to the next term this year owing to an early easter). He told us he had cut some material because the shorter term meant he couldn't fit everything in. This is not true. The general understanding is that in this event the first two weeks are to be treated as the last two of the previous term. He explained that nothing like this had happened before. Bollocks had it - I know that at the University of Kent we used to run by a three terms of 10 weeks instead of the 12 12 6 system that we have at present, and this was not so long ago (though before my time ;)). Certainly during his. He's been here for years.

I give up with History Professors. I really do >.<

*sigh*

*grrrr*

*1 ordinary loan is 4 weeks. There are options available to tutors for soon to become high demand books to have them put to 1 week loan, short loan collection (a loan of overnight [from whenever the books is withdrawn until 10am the next day]) or even short loan four hour collection where the book is restricted to the library and only allowed to be used for a stretch of four hours at a time.

*2 may not have been Suffolk. I was a rather pissed at the time from him calling me "sweetheart". Was also very pissed for being patronised. I'm 21. There is no need to treat me as if I'm 6.

*3 I checked mine every day of the holidays including christmas day :o I wasn't asking him to check it then, or on boxing day, but at some point during the holidays was not too much to ask I feel.

Term has finished now. Been a rather hectic one too, there seemed to be no time to stop and breathe. Still, hopefully the holidays should give me some breathing space. Ben and I finished most of our Christmas shopping yesterday and cos it was a Monday and term still hasn't finished for most schools it wasn't too horrid. Unfortunately will have to do the last few bits in Croydon on the 23rd - that *will* be horrible :( Still, feel accomplished that most of it is out of the way :)

For those of you interested in my academic work, my marks have jumped this year from an average of 58% to an average of 68%. I'm so proud of myself :D I hope I can keep it up, cos this would mean I could graduate with a definate 2:1, which is what I'm after. Still, I'll cross my fingers and hope quietly that I can keep it up. Have holiday work to do, which sucks :( Even worse is that all the books I need are out of the library until the 12th January, with the deadline being 5 days or so after that :| Will need to talk to my tutor I think.

Speaking of my tutor, some may recall the battle over powerpoint I had with him:

( first email to tutor )

I got a reply:

( first email from tutor )

So I sent him an email back:

( second email to tutor )

I never recieved a reply. As a result my partner and I did a powerpoint pres and printed it to sheets of assitate instead, as they were the facilities available to us :|

After out visit to the British Museum as part of the course (piccies here), I sent him a link to the pictures I took. And got a reply:

( surprising letter from my tutor )

Bwhahaha. I shall view that as a victory! :D

Anyway, this has been long and boring enough, so I shall finish up now with a meme I stole from red_pill.

( end of year meme )

Congratulations! You have St. Anthony's Fire! Today
known Ergotism, this illness is caught
through ingestion of a fungal infection of grain,
usually rye. If you are not already, you
soom are going to be suffering from dizziness,
hallucinations, and a sensation of burning in
the limbs, thus giving the disease its name. It
could result in gangrene. The good news: there
is a 60% chance you will survive it! The bad
news? You will wish you had not. You will have
lingering symptoms for the rest of your life,
including mental impairment and being more
susceptible to it in the future rather than
having immunity. You probably live in a rural
town undergoing a very wet winter to have
caught this skin-reddening sickness.


Which Medieval Plague Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

In other news, I've been better. Generally those who need to know, know why. I'll pull up evetually and it's hardly worth going into the reasons because the last thing I need at the moment is for things to get worse.

Dr Ormrod said I should do another project. Bah :|

Need to do chores today. Off I go to do those... ------> :P

..but today I was absolutely fuming. Livid or Furious are good words to describe the state I was in, and thinking about it logically I can't even work out why I was so very very angry over this incident.

Today I had my Museum and Heratage seminar thingy and there's a clique of three people who always sit together in the seminar and talk half way through. I don't like them and they strike me as unpleasent in not what they say, but how they say it. At the end of the seminar (which was quite dull in itself) Dr Ormrod was trying to work out who would do a group presentation on which subject. I volunteered right at the beginning to do the one for next week but noone volunteered to help and so I assumed one of the duds who never turns up would be assigned to me, which was bad enough. Anyway, the clique who had been talking very loudly in their corner lost the tussel for the presentation they wanted and immediately expressed interest in mine. Dr Ormrod said only two of the three could do it with me because of the number in the group as a whole. To be honest I was a bit angry already because they didn't want the presentation until most other options had been removed from them. Then I went to exchange email addys to find the other person telling me that *She* had to be in our group becasue the only things left were in the last two weeks and she couldn't do those cos she wouldn't be here. So for this presentation which counts for 20% of my final marks I will be dictated to by a clique of people I don't like and who clearly don't like me and it will all get screwed up. There are four doing a three people (max) presentation and Dr Ormrod doesn't even know. I know my personality isn't strong enough to assert my views and *win* any struggle ahead.

I'm angry. Less angry than I was, but that only means I don't want to really properly hurt people any more. I'm slowly calming down. I scared myself with how angry I was. *growl*

I just don't know what to do :(

I went to the doctor's today and had a good appt. Booked in again for a couplea weeks time, just before I go home for easter. She's a nice doctor and I'm glad I went even if I didn't want to before hand.

Am on the up now, my mood climbing a bit at a time. Had a bad afternoon yesterday. Had been really bouncy in the morning then at lunchtime I started spiralling down and didn't pull out of it till very late.

Yesterday as a whole was actually a good day, despite the mood spiral. I was pleased with myself for being able to write a 3000 word essay with IRC in the background and cos Sue was off sick I had a chance to talk to and play with paul which is always good cos whne he's in a good mood he cheers me up. Yesterday he was telling me about trees and how cutting them down killed them and doing all the actions and things nad tho I could only understand half the stuff he said (he's only 3) it was still great fun. He also said he liked me :)

I had a very positive meeting about my Speical Subject in Rutherford Upper Senior Common Room which is a really nice room and recognisable as the place where my UCAS stuff took place ;) It's got a beautiful view cos its at the very top of the building and am now getting quite excited about the course.

There are more Guys than Girls (not surprising for a topic that's partly military history, but I can tell by the way that at least one of them speaks to me that he is sexist... or at least looks down on me *git*) but still should be cool.

Have option of a 6000 word diss instead of the primary evidence paper which sounds good and if I do that together with te other modules I'm planning to do I should only have one exam next year. He says if we don't egt it done on time we won't be penalised, just reregistered for the exam instead. We will be having a trip to Ypres and also to the IWM and NAM. I've been to all these places before but they're great so I'm looking forward to going again and seeing them from a different perspective.

Ben and I had a nice cuddle together and he forced me to go out tho I didn't want to and that was good for me cos it started to help me pull out of how I was feeling. Foo and rah cooked nice meal of spag bol type things (tho too many carrots) and then crumpets and chocolate spread for afters (inspired by Paul's breakfast ;))

Went to bed as soon as got in...was very very tired and as a consequence got 10 and a half hours sleep or so. As a consequence of that I woke up on my own at 5:30 and got to doze for 30 mins or so which was a nice luxury. Was out of the house on time and did the hill all in one go which made me feel both tired and accomplished and even had time to photograph some frogspawn ben and I noticed a few days ago and have been watching develop. Can't wait till they hatch and become tadpoles. I want even more to see them as frogs cos I like frogs - they remind me of my pet frog Roger from when I was 8 :)

Got back on Monday night and was in temper with the world. Had tooken part in a flame war of much flaminess on ukc.misc where I was repeatedly called a racist. I was annoyed, and not just cos o fthe accusations. I'd gotten so involved in the flame war that I wasted 5 hours in which I was going to do dissertation stuff. Got annoyed with ben, choir seemed to suck and I started to lose my voice. In short, monday wasn't good day.

Yesterday was bit better. Up early for work (urgh) and managed to manage my time so badly I didn't have time for breakkie and then struggled up the hill. Work wasn't bad inna morning, then went to Uni where I...umm...I wasted time till 10, then had Lighthouse breakfast with ben and Rah (and thi I didn't think Iit was possible, it has gone downhill *again* recently) then wasted time till lunch which ben and I had in the gulob and then off to my 1pm leccie.

We saw A Canterbury Tale which I thought was mostly boring, tho the canterbury bits were good, cos it shows the city as it was then, bomb damage and all.

Work not bad, scurried off as soon as children dropped. Had chicken rice and pie for dinner and watched CSI with ben. Was lovely :)

Today was module registration day. Went in and wasted an hour on computers and then had coffee. I stayed in Gulb after buying numerous cups of hot chocolate and fruit tea so I wouldn't get chucked out. Did some dissertation reading (finally!) and took a couplea pages of notes and quotes. Went to register for my special subject (double weighted final year history module). There are half a dozen or so subjects each with about 12 places and competition is fierce for the popular ones and the one I wanted was popular. It's about WW1 and the national psyche and is run by Mark Connelly whom I quite like anyway :) Also registered for my other subjects, both 100% coursework, both about museum work. Woo :D

Lunch with ben and then work.

Which was...interesting.
The children tried to kill themselves by crossing the Whitstable Road on their own. When I reached the kerb they were already half way across. They did this without looking both ways. The Whistable Road, is, as Canterbury people know, a very very busy road. I was livid and told them off then made them sit cross legged on the floor when they got hom. Then I told their parents.

If anything had happened it would have been *my* fault, regardless of if they were being stupid or not. No bikes tomorrow is punishment but their father was also considering grounding.

Good.

Jacket tatoes and cheese and sausages for dinner tonight.

Wooooo :D

( ni! )