lizziec: (LDS- Young women)
Continued from here.

*Minor rant about mormons and visions of my father )

lizziec: (LDS- Young women)
Continued from here.

*Minor rant about mormons and visions of my father )
lizziec: (carebare grumpy sleeping)
Yesterday was a much better day for a couple of reasons. First, I got out for a bit a couple of times (getting some ginger tea and some peppermint tea, and some water biscuits to help mum with her nausea and vomiting; going to Coulsdon for a little bit of a wander with mum later), and secondly I achieved some stuff. I have a feeling that those things are quite important in making me feel useful and thus better about being here.

Mum had pretty bad nausea and vomiting on Monday and during Monday night, but started to feel better on Tuesday morning, though still very tired. She cancelled some visitors who were supposed to be coming in the morning and rested and managed to eat something, and by Lunchtime felt up to attempting to go out, so we took it in several steps, which seemed to help her. Pension first, then Coulsdon itself. First to Coulsdon Hardware to get a new mop and bucket (having broken mum's mop during the great room tidy project - it was very funny, Phil looked all forlorn and said looking very sad "I could have sworn [the squeegee mechanism] would have worked before I actually broke it...), then as she was still doing ok we went on to the butchers for some sausages for tomorrow night, then as she was still doing ok we went on to the Coffee place that has sprung up in Coulsdon since I moved away/the bypass was built. A cold drink from there and some carrot cake seemed to do wonders for perking mum up, as, I'm pretty sure, did just getting out. The whole trip wiped her out, but she said she felt better for it.

While she had a sleep I went to work playing with the mop trialling the mop, before losing interest mopping the floors in the kitchen and the bathroom, and hoovering all the other floors while I was at it and had the vacuum cleaner out. I'm pretty sure that the kitchen floor is better for it. I hope so anyway, because it was hard work.

My adventures in cleaning did reveal to me some interesting personality traits in my mum's cats though. George, who is enormous and I think likes to think of himself as a bit of a hard man, is a big scaredy cat who is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. When I went near his chosen sitting place with it on he jumped up and ran away. On the other hand, Violet, who is his sister and very petite, wasn't scared of the vacuum or the mop, or the fact the kitchen floor was wet, and stayed put in the kitchen on her chosen worktop the whole time I was working in there. But curiously I found out while was taking a break that Violet is scared of 80's Power Ballads. While I was taking a break and listening to a rather eclectic mix of music, Violet was curled up next to me asleep. Every time an 80's Power Ballad came on, she'd jump up and look a bit freaked out and need some fussing before she'd relax again. It was very cute. And funny. And I'm clearly mean ;)

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent in my little room again, catching up on various internet things, including the CBB, where I asked for prayers and thoughts to do with this situation and everyone has been overwhelmingly amazing. I can't express how touched I am with the responses, especially towards someone who is largely a lurker now and most people don't know well, but will have a go later at expressing it anyway, because they deserve to know how awesome they are.

Anyway, while I was geeking around with my laptop I became aware of being very cold. I assumed I was just being a big girly wuss, especially as this room is colder than the others because of an air vent in the wall. About half 7 I finally got around to checking on the radiator and it was stone cold at a time when I knew it should be on, and discovered that the gas had run out (I'd forgotten how much of a pain these type of meters could be). Ended up taking the gas card and the electric key down to the place in the valley that tops them up and decided while I was out I'd get a pizza for dinner because I really couldn't be bothered to cook by this time. All this meant I was back a bit later than I otherwise would have been and I walked into a gaggle (if two plus a toddler is a gaggle) of Mormons, so my pizza went cold while we all talked. As most of you know, I'm no longer a Mormon, and my time with them was often rather, um, fraught, but one of the people (Good Guy) who was there is the only one who consistently stood by my family through everything and who still talks to, and is on good terms with us. Which is the reason I didn't shoo him out of the door faster.

Mum resigned from the church finally last year sometime over the Church's interference with California's Proposition 8 last year, and has foregone contact with them (except for Good Guy) for long before that, so it was a bit of a surprise to see this man with his Home Teaching companion. They'd come to offer mum a Priesthood Blessing as apparently when Good Guy saw her on Sunday to see if there was anything he could do, he offered one and mum said she'd think about it.

Anyway, she decided that actually she didn't want one and proceeded to doze through the rest of the visit - good for her - while I chatted because after about 6 years out, and 6 years inactive before, and what they did to me and my family (lots of hurt/bitterness still) that I still don't feel like I can be rude to them. Gah. Still, the visit did result in Good Guy saying he'd do some basic garden maintenance for us, which is good because Phil and I are too busy (and I'm too inept when it comes to garden stuff) and mum too ill to be able to do it ourselves. I also chatted to the Home Teaching Companion about UKC, where he was a student at KLS until 2007, which was quite nice. Alas, I fear I have given away too much of my location to him in my desire to express how much I loved Canterbury. Hope we don't end up with a visit from the missionaries...

When I finally got to my pizza it was lukewarm, fading to cold before the end :( I've no idea how they manage it, but Mormons seem very good at turning up when dinner is nearly or actually ready and then talking until it's cold :(

Currently waiting for the Tesco delivery to arrive and feeling the early and cold today. I'd then go back to sleep and be a big lazy thing, but it's mum's payday and if she feels up to it has a number of things she wants to do.


Much later - Tesco turned up, food is all put away. Think I may have ordered too much. Fridge and Freezer cannae take much more captain! Also managed to have a shower, in preparation for venturing to Croydon later if mum feels up to it.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (carebare grumpy sleeping)
Yesterday was a much better day for a couple of reasons. First, I got out for a bit a couple of times (getting some ginger tea and some peppermint tea, and some water biscuits to help mum with her nausea and vomiting; going to Coulsdon for a little bit of a wander with mum later), and secondly I achieved some stuff. I have a feeling that those things are quite important in making me feel useful and thus better about being here.

Mum had pretty bad nausea and vomiting on Monday and during Monday night, but started to feel better on Tuesday morning, though still very tired. She cancelled some visitors who were supposed to be coming in the morning and rested and managed to eat something, and by Lunchtime felt up to attempting to go out, so we took it in several steps, which seemed to help her. Pension first, then Coulsdon itself. First to Coulsdon Hardware to get a new mop and bucket (having broken mum's mop during the great room tidy project - it was very funny, Phil looked all forlorn and said looking very sad "I could have sworn [the squeegee mechanism] would have worked before I actually broke it...), then as she was still doing ok we went on to the butchers for some sausages for tomorrow night, then as she was still doing ok we went on to the Coffee place that has sprung up in Coulsdon since I moved away/the bypass was built. A cold drink from there and some carrot cake seemed to do wonders for perking mum up, as, I'm pretty sure, did just getting out. The whole trip wiped her out, but she said she felt better for it.

While she had a sleep I went to work playing with the mop trialling the mop, before losing interest mopping the floors in the kitchen and the bathroom, and hoovering all the other floors while I was at it and had the vacuum cleaner out. I'm pretty sure that the kitchen floor is better for it. I hope so anyway, because it was hard work.

My adventures in cleaning did reveal to me some interesting personality traits in my mum's cats though. George, who is enormous and I think likes to think of himself as a bit of a hard man, is a big scaredy cat who is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. When I went near his chosen sitting place with it on he jumped up and ran away. On the other hand, Violet, who is his sister and very petite, wasn't scared of the vacuum or the mop, or the fact the kitchen floor was wet, and stayed put in the kitchen on her chosen worktop the whole time I was working in there. But curiously I found out while was taking a break that Violet is scared of 80's Power Ballads. While I was taking a break and listening to a rather eclectic mix of music, Violet was curled up next to me asleep. Every time an 80's Power Ballad came on, she'd jump up and look a bit freaked out and need some fussing before she'd relax again. It was very cute. And funny. And I'm clearly mean ;)

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent in my little room again, catching up on various internet things, including the CBB, where I asked for prayers and thoughts to do with this situation and everyone has been overwhelmingly amazing. I can't express how touched I am with the responses, especially towards someone who is largely a lurker now and most people don't know well, but will have a go later at expressing it anyway, because they deserve to know how awesome they are.

Anyway, while I was geeking around with my laptop I became aware of being very cold. I assumed I was just being a big girly wuss, especially as this room is colder than the others because of an air vent in the wall. About half 7 I finally got around to checking on the radiator and it was stone cold at a time when I knew it should be on, and discovered that the gas had run out (I'd forgotten how much of a pain these type of meters could be). Ended up taking the gas card and the electric key down to the place in the valley that tops them up and decided while I was out I'd get a pizza for dinner because I really couldn't be bothered to cook by this time. All this meant I was back a bit later than I otherwise would have been and I walked into a gaggle (if two plus a toddler is a gaggle) of Mormons, so my pizza went cold while we all talked. As most of you know, I'm no longer a Mormon, and my time with them was often rather, um, fraught, but one of the people (Good Guy) who was there is the only one who consistently stood by my family through everything and who still talks to, and is on good terms with us. Which is the reason I didn't shoo him out of the door faster.

Mum resigned from the church finally last year sometime over the Church's interference with California's Proposition 8 last year, and has foregone contact with them (except for Good Guy) for long before that, so it was a bit of a surprise to see this man with his Home Teaching companion. They'd come to offer mum a Priesthood Blessing as apparently when Good Guy saw her on Sunday to see if there was anything he could do, he offered one and mum said she'd think about it.

Anyway, she decided that actually she didn't want one and proceeded to doze through the rest of the visit - good for her - while I chatted because after about 6 years out, and 6 years inactive before, and what they did to me and my family (lots of hurt/bitterness still) that I still don't feel like I can be rude to them. Gah. Still, the visit did result in Good Guy saying he'd do some basic garden maintenance for us, which is good because Phil and I are too busy (and I'm too inept when it comes to garden stuff) and mum too ill to be able to do it ourselves. I also chatted to the Home Teaching Companion about UKC, where he was a student at KLS until 2007, which was quite nice. Alas, I fear I have given away too much of my location to him in my desire to express how much I loved Canterbury. Hope we don't end up with a visit from the missionaries...

When I finally got to my pizza it was lukewarm, fading to cold before the end :( I've no idea how they manage it, but Mormons seem very good at turning up when dinner is nearly or actually ready and then talking until it's cold :(

Currently waiting for the Tesco delivery to arrive and feeling the early and cold today. I'd then go back to sleep and be a big lazy thing, but it's mum's payday and if she feels up to it has a number of things she wants to do.


Much later - Tesco turned up, food is all put away. Think I may have ordered too much. Fridge and Freezer cannae take much more captain! Also managed to have a shower, in preparation for venturing to Croydon later if mum feels up to it.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (LDS- Young women)
I hang around in a number of IRC channels and am the only person in most of them who has ever had any sustained contact with the Mormon "religion" (and I don't hide that fact), so people often come to me with queries.

Here's an exchange that took place the other day and made me realise that it's such a ridiculous religion that it's virtually impossible to explain its kinks to outsiders. It honestly makes me wonder how people believe this stuff. When you say it in all seriousness to anyone else it's laughable. Luckily my friends are pretty down to earth :) I'm "Trapper".

21:36 < InsomniaCity> Trapper: I saw someone at work with caffeine-free coke..
21:37 < InsomniaCity> a) I thought that had disappeared?
21:37 < InsomniaCity> b) Are they a Mormon?
21:37 < Trapper> a) no it hasn't
21:37 < Trapper> and b) it's possible
21:37 < Trapper> ;)
21:37 < InsomniaCity> hehe
21:38 < Trapper> if you get close look to see if they look like they wear a tshirt under their shirt
21:38 < Trapper> then it;s more likely
21:39 < InsomniaCity> :o
21:39 < InsomniaCity> whys that then?
21:39 < Trapper> garments
21:39 < Trapper> (magic underwear)
21:39 < InsomniaCity> :O
21:40 < Trapper> http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=mormon+garments&btnG=Google+Search <-- InsomniaCity
21:40 < Trapper> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_garment
21:40 < Trapper> some really devout mormons even have sex while wearing them
21:40 < Oziris> Trapper: o.O
21:41 < Trapper> Oziris: seriously
21:41 < Trapper> you couldn't make this shit up
21:42 < ka> sure you can, look at scientology! :P
21:42 < Oziris> lol
21:42 < Oziris> when tom cruis is your prophet... you know youre dommed
21:43 < Oziris> [seriously he claims to be a prophet for scientology r summin]
21:44 < ka> sham religions ++

With wacky stuff like "Magic Underwear" and the polygamy in heaven I sometimes wonder at how they ever managed to get as many members they have...

lizziec: (LDS- Young women)
I hang around in a number of IRC channels and am the only person in most of them who has ever had any sustained contact with the Mormon "religion" (and I don't hide that fact), so people often come to me with queries.

Here's an exchange that took place the other day and made me realise that it's such a ridiculous religion that it's virtually impossible to explain its kinks to outsiders. It honestly makes me wonder how people believe this stuff. When you say it in all seriousness to anyone else it's laughable. Luckily my friends are pretty down to earth :) I'm "Trapper".

21:36 < InsomniaCity> Trapper: I saw someone at work with caffeine-free coke..
21:37 < InsomniaCity> a) I thought that had disappeared?
21:37 < InsomniaCity> b) Are they a Mormon?
21:37 < Trapper> a) no it hasn't
21:37 < Trapper> and b) it's possible
21:37 < Trapper> ;)
21:37 < InsomniaCity> hehe
21:38 < Trapper> if you get close look to see if they look like they wear a tshirt under their shirt
21:38 < Trapper> then it;s more likely
21:39 < InsomniaCity> :o
21:39 < InsomniaCity> whys that then?
21:39 < Trapper> garments
21:39 < Trapper> (magic underwear)
21:39 < InsomniaCity> :O
21:40 < Trapper> http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=mormon+garments&btnG=Google+Search <-- InsomniaCity
21:40 < Trapper> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_garment
21:40 < Trapper> some really devout mormons even have sex while wearing them
21:40 < Oziris> Trapper: o.O
21:41 < Trapper> Oziris: seriously
21:41 < Trapper> you couldn't make this shit up
21:42 < ka> sure you can, look at scientology! :P
21:42 < Oziris> lol
21:42 < Oziris> when tom cruis is your prophet... you know youre dommed
21:43 < Oziris> [seriously he claims to be a prophet for scientology r summin]
21:44 < ka> sham religions ++

With wacky stuff like "Magic Underwear" and the polygamy in heaven I sometimes wonder at how they ever managed to get as many members they have...
lizziec: (toys - Epstein-barr)
An animation made to show what Mormons believe. If you can see through the overt evangelical christian hyperbole (think chick tracts) it's remarkably true and disturbing. They do really believe that stuff. It makes me absolutely certain that mormons suspend the functions of some parts of their brains while members.

Interesting viewing anyway. Ta to the person on one of my LJ communities for the link.

In other news...the English Football team suck. So much. I got worked up again. I'm gutted we lost, especially as it was to penalties again.

ARGH. I'm going to go be annoyed with them over there --------->
lizziec: (toys - Epstein-barr)
An animation made to show what Mormons believe. If you can see through the overt evangelical christian hyperbole (think chick tracts) it's remarkably true and disturbing. They do really believe that stuff. It makes me absolutely certain that mormons suspend the functions of some parts of their brains while members.

Interesting viewing anyway. Ta to the person on one of my LJ communities for the link.

In other news...the English Football team suck. So much. I got worked up again. I'm gutted we lost, especially as it was to penalties again.

ARGH. I'm going to go be annoyed with them over there --------->
lizziec: (animals - keeton!)
Today I was experiencing one of my odd and periodic pangs of wishing that I still believed and still belonged. I don't know why these happen, they just do sometimes and I came to the conclusion that being in the Mormon church is like being in the Matrix.

Mormons have their own reality that is fed to them by the powers that be who leech power and money off the faithful.

This reality is so seperate from the real world and the actual truths of the church that once you are out and know the truth you can never go back in. The two worlds are just too far apart.

I find this thought oddly comforting. It's nice to know that what I know now is real and not some flaky ideal created for me by some old paternalist patriarchs far divorced from the real life that I and others lead. It's my life and I have control.

It's thoughts like this that get me through my weird days where I almost feel like I want to belong again.

Cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] we_have_fallen and [livejournal.com profile] exmormon
lizziec: (animals - keeton!)
Today I was experiencing one of my odd and periodic pangs of wishing that I still believed and still belonged. I don't know why these happen, they just do sometimes and I came to the conclusion that being in the Mormon church is like being in the Matrix.

Mormons have their own reality that is fed to them by the powers that be who leech power and money off the faithful.

This reality is so seperate from the real world and the actual truths of the church that once you are out and know the truth you can never go back in. The two worlds are just too far apart.

I find this thought oddly comforting. It's nice to know that what I know now is real and not some flaky ideal created for me by some old paternalist patriarchs far divorced from the real life that I and others lead. It's my life and I have control.

It's thoughts like this that get me through my weird days where I almost feel like I want to belong again.

Cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] we_have_fallen and [livejournal.com profile] exmormon
lizziec: (Default)
Caring soul
Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.


How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


Hate
Your word is: Hate. Your heart has been turned to
black since you haven't experienced love, or
maybe you felt love but got none in return. So
if no one else is willing to like you, then why
like them? You are now a very bitter soul,
trying to find a place and perhaps someone who
can co-exist with you. That can be a problem
since you tend to keep away from most people
and be rude, but maybe someday you will be okay
again.


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla


Because most of you don't understand mormon stuff, some extra explanation for my last entry - all men over 12 get some form of the Priesthood while women get taught how to be good wives and home-makers. Apparently the reason for this is because women can have babies. Only people with the priesthood get proper respect and positions of leadership. Women are very much second class citizens, especially if they're not living with some form of priesthood authority in the form of a brother, father or husband.

This is very interesting reading about the place of women in mormonism and this explains the reasoning behind the placings of men and women in mormonism, most importantly "By bearing and nurturing children, women are saved because they have learned to perform Heavenly Mother's work".

Riiight...
lizziec: (Default)
Caring soul
Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.


How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


Hate
Your word is: Hate. Your heart has been turned to
black since you haven't experienced love, or
maybe you felt love but got none in return. So
if no one else is willing to like you, then why
like them? You are now a very bitter soul,
trying to find a place and perhaps someone who
can co-exist with you. That can be a problem
since you tend to keep away from most people
and be rude, but maybe someday you will be okay
again.


What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla


Because most of you don't understand mormon stuff, some extra explanation for my last entry - all men over 12 get some form of the Priesthood while women get taught how to be good wives and home-makers. Apparently the reason for this is because women can have babies. Only people with the priesthood get proper respect and positions of leadership. Women are very much second class citizens, especially if they're not living with some form of priesthood authority in the form of a brother, father or husband.

This is very interesting reading about the place of women in mormonism and this explains the reasoning behind the placings of men and women in mormonism, most importantly "By bearing and nurturing children, women are saved because they have learned to perform Heavenly Mother's work".

Riiight...

Stuff

19 April 2005 09:02 am
lizziec: (Default)
I feel rather better now about the mormon thing I mentioned in my last post, largely because of something ben said ("We should be glad he's in the top 100, after all he proves at least one fiftieth of the United States to be idiots").

Last night at work was funny. Becky was doing an international week quiz for school. One of the questions was "Where was Mozart born?" Becky said... ) I asked Tom if he knew. Thomas said... ) Mozart was really born in... ) The other amusing answer was to the question "Which country has two official languages, English and French?". Becky guessed at... )

Was a very amusing evening :) I'll miss those kids :|

Stuff

19 April 2005 09:02 am
lizziec: (Default)
I feel rather better now about the mormon thing I mentioned in my last post, largely because of something ben said ("We should be glad he's in the top 100, after all he proves at least one fiftieth of the United States to be idiots").

Last night at work was funny. Becky was doing an international week quiz for school. One of the questions was "Where was Mozart born?" Becky said... ) I asked Tom if he knew. Thomas said... ) Mozart was really born in... ) The other amusing answer was to the question "Which country has two official languages, English and French?". Becky guessed at... )

Was a very amusing evening :) I'll miss those kids :|
lizziec: (Default)
It would seem the Mormon campaign to have old Joe crowned "Greatest American" may well succeed - AOL TV Channel have him listed in their top 100. Go to "Salk to Truman" and make sure you have a vomit basin at hand.

*sigh*

Bloody mormons...

(stolen from [livejournal.com profile] lisaofdoom's journal)
lizziec: (Default)
It would seem the Mormon campaign to have old Joe crowned "Greatest American" may well succeed - AOL TV Channel have him listed in their top 100. Go to "Salk to Truman" and make sure you have a vomit basin at hand.

*sigh*

Bloody mormons...

(stolen from [livejournal.com profile] lisaofdoom's journal)
lizziec: (Default)
Well, I finally wrote it. For those of you who are interested I have put the story of my life as a mormon and my exit story here.

Cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] exmormon
lizziec: (Default)
Well, I finally wrote it. For those of you who are interested I have put the story of my life as a mormon and my exit story here.

Cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] exmormon
lizziec: (Default)
Well, I know now what I have to do.

Now I just have to find the courage to do it...
lizziec: (Default)
Well, I know now what I have to do.

Now I just have to find the courage to do it...
lizziec: (Default)
I've been looking into mormonism more since I requested my name be removed from the records and the more I read the more I'm convinced that I made the right descion. The pat couplea days I've been reading an online book that I've found really interesting. It's about two people's journey out of mormonism.

They talk a lot about the testimony of little children. How they what they have whispered in their ears by parents or have be taught by rote. And it's true. I used to think I had a testimony. I would stand up in front of the congregation in my pretty sunday dress with everyone "aaahing" and proceed to garbel out a variation on "I would like to bear my tesimony. I know the church is troo, I beweve that Joseph Smith was a pwoffit and that Ezra Taft Benson is a pwoffit. ISayTheseThingsInNameOfJesusChristAmen." And I believed it because it was what I had learnt.

Things only started to change for me after my father died, leaving the family without a priesthood holder (a vital thing in the Mormon church where the patriarch is everything) and our family largely isolated. Suspicons probably started a bit before that, the seed being sown when I was 7 or so and an incident happened that scarred me psycologiaclly, but the real cracks didn't appear till after daddy died and we were largely abandoned.

I started to learn other things and doubt what I'd been taught. I developed a streak of feminisnm that told me the inherent sexism in the church was wrong. Eventually by the time I was 16 I knew for certain that the church was not true. It took me another 3 years before I was ready for name removal. The issues I had with this largely revolved around my father.

During the period I was inactive no less than 3 people came and told my family that they'd had visitations from my father requesting that we be brought back into the fold. One was a friend from church but not one we had a lot of contact with. The second was a friend of my father's who had been out of contact for 20 years. The third was a complete stranger. The family feeling was that if it was my father's will then he would visit us himself and tell us. Which is why a certain paragraph in that book stood out.

"A few months later, my grandfather died. Shortly after his passing, I received an anonymous call from a man in California, claiming to be carrying a message to me from my grandfather from beyond the grave. He said my grandfather had appeared to him in a dream and commanded him to tell me he wanted me back in the church. I figured if my grandfather had regained enough of his senses in the afterlife to communicate with someone in California he didn't even know, he sure as hell could have contacted me himself."

WHat can I say? It struck a chord with me.

I've come to the conclusion over the past two weeks that the descion I made was absoluetly the right one. Here endeth my off stream of conciousness rant.

Which reminds me, I'm still waiting for the letter from the bishop...
lizziec: (Default)
I've been looking into mormonism more since I requested my name be removed from the records and the more I read the more I'm convinced that I made the right descion. The pat couplea days I've been reading an online book that I've found really interesting. It's about two people's journey out of mormonism.

They talk a lot about the testimony of little children. How they what they have whispered in their ears by parents or have be taught by rote. And it's true. I used to think I had a testimony. I would stand up in front of the congregation in my pretty sunday dress with everyone "aaahing" and proceed to garbel out a variation on "I would like to bear my tesimony. I know the church is troo, I beweve that Joseph Smith was a pwoffit and that Ezra Taft Benson is a pwoffit. ISayTheseThingsInNameOfJesusChristAmen." And I believed it because it was what I had learnt.

Things only started to change for me after my father died, leaving the family without a priesthood holder (a vital thing in the Mormon church where the patriarch is everything) and our family largely isolated. Suspicons probably started a bit before that, the seed being sown when I was 7 or so and an incident happened that scarred me psycologiaclly, but the real cracks didn't appear till after daddy died and we were largely abandoned.

I started to learn other things and doubt what I'd been taught. I developed a streak of feminisnm that told me the inherent sexism in the church was wrong. Eventually by the time I was 16 I knew for certain that the church was not true. It took me another 3 years before I was ready for name removal. The issues I had with this largely revolved around my father.

During the period I was inactive no less than 3 people came and told my family that they'd had visitations from my father requesting that we be brought back into the fold. One was a friend from church but not one we had a lot of contact with. The second was a friend of my father's who had been out of contact for 20 years. The third was a complete stranger. The family feeling was that if it was my father's will then he would visit us himself and tell us. Which is why a certain paragraph in that book stood out.

"A few months later, my grandfather died. Shortly after his passing, I received an anonymous call from a man in California, claiming to be carrying a message to me from my grandfather from beyond the grave. He said my grandfather had appeared to him in a dream and commanded him to tell me he wanted me back in the church. I figured if my grandfather had regained enough of his senses in the afterlife to communicate with someone in California he didn't even know, he sure as hell could have contacted me himself."

WHat can I say? It struck a chord with me.

I've come to the conclusion over the past two weeks that the descion I made was absoluetly the right one. Here endeth my off stream of conciousness rant.

Which reminds me, I'm still waiting for the letter from the bishop...
lizziec: (Default)
Bin a busy ole day for me.

I went back to bed afta the school run cos I was dead tired. Slept for 4 hours then got up and obeyed my whim to drive to Purley and get kfc. Which I then ate watching Buffy 7x10. When that finished I printed off my letter, jumped in the car and drove to Phil's school to pick him up. Got there early and it a lovely day so locked up car and sat underneth a cherry tree with my book until his nibbs put in an appearence. Started driving off to get some petrol and mamma from work when Phil announced that one of his friends from CU was inviting him to a weekend on the isle of wight with his church. Phil decided he wanted to go, so mucho calling of people from mobile phone and then gettingpetrol and dumping him at home to sort out his stuff.

Dumped him in banstead and signed some forms for him. Picked up mum. Arrived back home at 5.20pm to find church dood already there. I grabbed my stoof and we went to a park and we walked round and round it for a long time. I explained my position. He:
* said as a friend he was honour bound to try and convince me I was wrong
* said as a bishop he needed to ask some questions. One of which was if I had broken the laws of chastity
* said that my request would take more than 30 days to go through even tho I said I was willing to waive this
* said that everyone would be judged in heaven
* said that he thought my descion was wrong and he was sad for me

There was other stuff about heaven and the church being the one true church nad things. And i just kept saying it was my descion and my mind was amde up and i felt fundimentally oposed to a number of the concepts (especially views of women and gays...) Eventually I handed him my letter which he read and said he'd start the paperwork. Next stop being the steak president, who was one of the main people who didn't halp after my father died. That should be fun for him to read cos he was the bishop at the time. Anyways, it's all started moving :) Soonish I should be out and free :D

BAck here. Found I was a celebrity on a forum I never post on. I'm not even a member of...odd...Ordered a cd-rw... tired now...maybe sleep is called for...
lizziec: (Default)
Bin a busy ole day for me.

I went back to bed afta the school run cos I was dead tired. Slept for 4 hours then got up and obeyed my whim to drive to Purley and get kfc. Which I then ate watching Buffy 7x10. When that finished I printed off my letter, jumped in the car and drove to Phil's school to pick him up. Got there early and it a lovely day so locked up car and sat underneth a cherry tree with my book until his nibbs put in an appearence. Started driving off to get some petrol and mamma from work when Phil announced that one of his friends from CU was inviting him to a weekend on the isle of wight with his church. Phil decided he wanted to go, so mucho calling of people from mobile phone and then gettingpetrol and dumping him at home to sort out his stuff.

Dumped him in banstead and signed some forms for him. Picked up mum. Arrived back home at 5.20pm to find church dood already there. I grabbed my stoof and we went to a park and we walked round and round it for a long time. I explained my position. He:
* said as a friend he was honour bound to try and convince me I was wrong
* said as a bishop he needed to ask some questions. One of which was if I had broken the laws of chastity
* said that my request would take more than 30 days to go through even tho I said I was willing to waive this
* said that everyone would be judged in heaven
* said that he thought my descion was wrong and he was sad for me

There was other stuff about heaven and the church being the one true church nad things. And i just kept saying it was my descion and my mind was amde up and i felt fundimentally oposed to a number of the concepts (especially views of women and gays...) Eventually I handed him my letter which he read and said he'd start the paperwork. Next stop being the steak president, who was one of the main people who didn't halp after my father died. That should be fun for him to read cos he was the bishop at the time. Anyways, it's all started moving :) Soonish I should be out and free :D

BAck here. Found I was a celebrity on a forum I never post on. I'm not even a member of...odd...Ordered a cd-rw... tired now...maybe sleep is called for...

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