Scattered thoughts

I dreamed about funerals last night and burying mum. FML.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered

One of the symptoms of my depression is that I get very tired, very quickly. The mornings are my best time, by lunchtime I'm hyper like an overtired child and by the afternoon I'm desperate for a nap. In the evening if I haven't had a nap then I am grouchy, bad tempered and very down. If I go out for any legnth of time to do something, no matter how rested I am and after 3-4 hours I am exhausted and down and need to come home and sleep. These two symptoms frustrate me no end, they're possibly one of the things that pisses me off most about my condition - more than the early morning waking, than the rollercoaster of emotions, than my lack of self respect and self confidence.

One of the side effects of my meds (Citalopram) is vivid dreams. Last night I had one, a really really weird one which makes me wonder if my subconcious is trying to send me a message.

I dreamed I had a serious operation (no idea what it was), which meant that I could barely walk and it took me a long time to have the stamina to walk very far or for very long, and then to be able to do that unaided. I was getting really pissed off with the process in my dream - I wanted to be better now and was annoyed that something that I should just be able to do was taking so much effort. Just as I was at my most pissed off kimble and barakta appeared (why them? No idea - my subconcious is pretty fucked up at the moment) and told me to stop getting pissed at myself. I would be back to how I should be with time, practice and patience and I just needed to stop getting annoyed at myself and take things a day at a time and try to do just a little more each day and eventually it would come.

Wow. I'm pretty fucked up at the moment ;)

Under the cut is the four things meme everyone is doing. I'm doing it cos I was sort of tagged by twigathy and I clearly have nothing better to do except waffle to LJ about my dreams ;)

( Four things meme )

I've just had a most disturbing dream. I was actually, really, dreaming about Assessment for Learning.

I think I need a holiday :|

No more bad dreams about being raped please. I really do not like them.

Love from me.

In other news, need to finish up the last tiny bits of Christmas shopping today, then maybe I can start looking forward to it.

Feel awfully meh at the moment. Blame the dream.

Was sound asleep, proper proper deep just now when I started to dream and when it all unfolded before my eyes I was so scared I haad to wake ben up immediately. I'm still very scared and shaking.

I drempt I was shopping or in a class or something with skel (for some reason) when a notice was read out all around us to say that we should go back to our homes, that where ever we were was closing down and that the transport network, everything, was doing the same and that this was because the whole of the centre of Reigate had just been completely destroyed somehow and all the people there were dead. I can remember thinking "all those people" over and over again and starting to cry and that was when I woke up.

After that I'm actually scared to go back to sleep again. That has to be the worst bad dream I've ever had.

I'm hoping writing about it will help, because I can't actually physically talk about it yet.

:(

I just dreamed it was the morning of the wedding and that I was getting ready. Nice dream, though now I'm in a state of nervous excitement :D Wish it was today ;)

In other news: Feel like the wedding is taking over my life and making me boring. Everytime someone asks me how I am I give my answer and mention the wedding...most of my conversation is about. Sorry people if I do appear boring - my mind will diversify again after September 3rd...I hope!

2 Weeks, 4 Days...

Had an odd dream last night, really realistic. I dreamed that there were another attack on the UK by the same terrorists who were using Guns instead and shot dead the Prince of Wales and his sons.

Bizarre o.O

The past couple of nights I've been having some very weird dreams. On Thursday night I drempt about terrorists, bombs and being trapped on the tube. I also drempt about dead people and imagined spirits all around me, though given yesterdays events I was not awfully surprised. Last night before I went to sleep I had my "feelings" again, feeling like all around me there were spirits of the dead. I wish I didn't get those feelings cos they scare me. Luckily my dreams were slightly more peaceful, though much more stressful :P I shouldn't be surprised at the content of them either given it's now a only month and three weeks until the wedding. Basically all last night's dreams were about the wedding and none of them were *nice*. They ranged from having no money to get married with to a relative making me a corset and bloomers to wear underneith the dress that were, in fact, the ugliest things ever but I had to wear them cos otherwise she'd be offended to all the plans falling apart and arriving at the church in my jeans and a tshirt, devoid of bridesmaids and flowers. Argh. Stupid wedding :|

Had a couple of odd dreams last night - odd because I remember them so clearly.

The first was that Vindaloo was uberb0rk and ben was inconsolable.

The second was debian stable was upgraded overnight to debian sarge so I was helping ben upgrade the boxes running stable, but then it turned out debian fucked up and the upgrade destroyed the build of them on the systems...

I'm curious to know why they both revolve around computers... >.

I ph33r for my sanity sometimes.

Last night I had a dream that involved:

1. a world war one battle


2. brian may


3. a michael jackson concert I organised


4. michael jackson


5. michael jackson dressed as Freddie Mercury doing queen


6. being on the run after stealing a song from it which it turns out I wrote but everyone thinks michael jackson did.

Argh >.< My brain...

I don't often dream so that I rememeber. This is mostly because I'm so exhausted when I get into bed and still tired when I get up so I never get to that level of sleep. The past few days have been very weird in that they have seen the most memorable dreams (including one nightmare) that I have had in a long long time.

( nightmare )

( recurring dream )

Now I have semnar prep to do :(