lizziec | K...

First of all, having used my credit card to pay the bill to get the internet up again it went off again at 4am which is mightly annoying. Anyway, mum'll give them a call and hopefully get it up again for tonight. Here's hoping.

The server kill thing: rah extracted from me a promise to be in bed by 10:30pm and said if I wasn't gone by 10:20 from darkmyst she'd have foo kill me...so I toddled off and was almost asleep by 10:45 but then mum came back from the Awfully Big Adventure and so I got up, huggled her and had a drink. Even with this I was asleep before the end of newsnight which is the first time in a long time. I must admit, I feel more able to cope having had a better night's sleep. I got 7 hours tho I feel like another hour could do me good. Ho hum, proper bedtime!

So yesterday...
Characterised by anxiety attacks and tears mostly. Called loan people at the council who said they were sending out a letter for mum to fill in and that after that it would be another 2 weeks. I said I need it kinda urgently cos I'm back to uni on the 22nd. He said "Well we've assesed you some money already, which is better than nothing isn't it?" Gits. He has no grasp of the situation :/

I worked out the cause of the panic attacks. Stella works a full day fridays which next week she is switching to Mondays which give me the prospect of two full stella days. ATM it's her going at 1:30 that keeps me going through the mornings. The anxiety started straight after I found out about the Monday thing. This morning I felt sick all the way in and am already kinda breathless and I've only been here half an hour.

Anyway, yes...that's where I am. That's how I feel. Hopefully I can scuttle off somewhere safe at lunchtime (usually my net cafe) and regroup ready for an afternoon session. Hair appointment at 4pm which'll be lovely. Make me feel a bit better.

I think today's strategy is to take it one hour at a time and try to see the positives.