Random whinge - reconnecting with life

[lizziec]

What follows is something of a random whinge, so please just treat it as that and nothing more. Hey look, I post for the first time in months and then do two posts in an evening. Fluke? Too much stuff in my head? I dunno really. We'll see what this develops in to.

It's been just over a year since no1typo got ill, and very nearly a year since she died and I still feel like I'm picking up the pieces of my life. There are times when I almost feel caught up, like I'm back in the groove again, but they're pretty rare. Most of the time I still feel like I'm playing some sort of catch up game.

I understood this 10ish months ago. I'd taken two or three months out of my life before she died to help look after her and be with her as she got worse. After that there was all the busy-ness random admin and worrying that came with her being dead. But it's nearly been a year. I don't get why it is I still feel like this. Surely I should have picked up all the threads of my life by now? I keep wondering if it can possibly be normal. Well, for values of normal anyway.

Gaaaaah.

This entry was originally posted at http://lizziec.dreamwidth.org/416333.html. There are currently comments on the original entry.

Comments

[b-liz.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I don't think there's a 'normal' for grieving. It affects different people differently. Having said that, I think it's reasonable that a year later you're still picking up pieces and putting your life back together. Don't beat yourself up about it *hugs again*

[mrs-redboots.livejournal.com]

You're totally and utterly normal. She was your mother, she bore you, she loved you, she nurtured you - and she died after a relatively short illness that caused her a great deal of suffering, and she was relatively young. Of course you're not back to "normal" yet - and in some ways, you never will be. You'll always miss her, but eventually the fact she's no longer there will stop hurting quite so much. But even after it has stopped, it can suddenly start again for no apparent reason.

You feel what you feel, and you are entitled to your feelings - don't let anybody tell you differently!

Great topic :)

[(Anonymous)]

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[http://users.livejournal.com/_jenjen_/]

Hey Lizzie, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. But also, you know, I don't think it's really ever okay that someone you loved so much is no longer there.

I remember once thinking that something bad that happened a few months before was ages ago. Which I now know is ridiculous - it's no time at all. Grief does affect everybody differently, and you must have been so involved in it all, it's hard to feel right way up again, and it's completely understandable.

I think you do start pulling things together, but there's no set time that it takes, and a year isn't actually a long time. You feel what you feel and you just do that at your own pace; it's tempting to feel guilty for not being "back to normal" again by now, but it's not at all surprising that you're not. Anniversaries, too, they're hard.

Take care.