the online presence of a dead person

[lizziec]

I put mum's facebook account into memorial mode a few weeks ago and then tried to ignore the problem of mum's online presence, but it's something that I've been thinking about increasingly over the last couple of days.

One of mum's friends thinks we should delete anything we can't lock down (ala her facebook account), but I'm not sure I can bring myself to do that. It feels a little bit like erasing her life. Which sounds ridiculous. But there's where my head and my heart been going on this question.

Any thoughts from you, my lovely friendslist? I'm not sure I can be objective on this.

Comments

[barakta]

You don't have to do it now? It's only been two months since she died, I think it is entirely up to you and Phil what to do and what you feel comfortable with.

There's no reason you couldn't come back to this in 12 or 18 or lots of months time when it might be or feel more appropriate to delete the stuff. It is a painful reminder I think of 'life still going on' but hers (and to some extent with grieving and missing her your lives) not going on - no wonder it almost certainly hurts.

The reality is if you do nothing the online presences will outmode themselves and slowly disappear as the accounts expire of their own accord or they don't get accessed anymore. An option for you guys now might be to try and get some backups of stuff where possible so *you* have some presence for you whatever happens in the future.

I'm sorry I can't be more decisive to or at you - I don't have a strong view any which way and think your and phil's feelings matter, everyone else a lot less so.

[xanantha.livejournal.com]

I think leaving your mum's FB there in memorial mode is a good-nice thing: online space to remember. Locking down other stuff seems wise - not deleting but deactivating maybe? Can quite see idea of deleting things = depressing. Suppose can think of it in terms of what you'd be inclined to do with her papers?

Don't really have Words: not at all sure What's Best, but wanted to day am still thinking of you

xx

[alisondh.livejournal.com]

This probably sounds really stupid but I've still got in my mobile phone contacts list the phone number of someone who died in 2003 , because I've never been able to bring myself to delete it. There's no right ot wrong answer: just do whatever you and your brother think best. I'm not very technologically-minded but is there a way of backing things from the internet up so that you've still got them without them still being on-line, iF that makes sense?

[princess-cutter.livejournal.com]

From a personal point of view i would just deactivate the comments and leave her on there. Maybe out up a post to say that she's gone for people who don't know and just leave it be. You're still grieving and like Sarah said, these things disappear on their own after a while. Things might change in the future but now isn't the time for you to do it.

*hugs*

[evergreenjan.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Can I just say how very sad I was when I heard about your mum.
When my mum died - nearly 7 years ago now - I found her profile on her email account, and some of it really made me cry. It gave me an insight to her that I had never really appreciated. I could only see it because I had her password after she died. It upset me so much I didn't even take a copy of it - the grief was still so raw. We stopped her internet access but didn't realise that the email account was attached to it, so it was gone forever. I really wish now that I had that little bit of her to look back on. All I am saying really is - keep copies and don't make any hasty decisions that cannot be reversed later. {{{Hugs}}}