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lizziecIt's one year today since ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
no1typo died. Ben and I are spending the day out so don't worry too much about me, I won't be moping too much. The tribute that Phil and I wrote for mum's funeral says really all I want to today about her, so I've posted it again below.
--
To say we put off writing this is something of an understatement. We failed to even get started until two days before the funeral, even though we have known that we have had to write this for a few days even before that. I think that writing this makes it real in a way that it hasn't been for the last two weeks. We knew mum was dying and said our physical goodbyes to her, but since then have done almost anything to avoid thinking about it on an emotional level.
There is also an element of writers block associated with our lack of action. How can we begin to adequately describe our love for the woman who gave birth to us, who brought us up and made us who we are today? How can we even begin to pay tribute to her strength, especially in bringing us up alone after our father died, or her considerable love for her family, her friends or for life?
The fact is that we could never even begin to do her justice through mere words, but the huge number of loving messages that we have all received through the post, by email or over facebook at the time that she was ill and after she died perhaps makes a start.
She was a woman of huge warmth, who lit up people's faces and lives. Who touched the existences of others and changed them for the better. Full of vibrant energy and giving spirit. We know that the world is a slightly dimmer place without the brightness of her spark.
The thing that struck us most after she died and as we began to clear her things was the cruelty of her being taken away from us when she was. She was excited about what the next few years held for her. Sorting the house so it was “just so” for when she retired, retirement itself, and the huge party she was going to throw for just about everyone she knew on that occasion. All the books she would read, travelling she would do, knitting she would accomplish. Day trips to here, there and everywhere in her trusty little car. She looked forward to seeing Phil settled and to welcoming her first grandchild, whenever it should come. We found books and cutlery she was already saving for that eventuality. She was happy in a relationship and had a vibrant social life. She was as content as we have ever seen her.
We hope that everyone remembers her like that. The excited, happy, bubbly, friendly, loving person she was, because we're certain that is how she would like to be remembered.
Satre said “existence precedes essence”. Another way to put this is “you make yourself” or “life is what you make of it”. Though no philosopher, mum took this idea to heart. Faced with the task of forging herself she produced a strong woman, who was stubborn and moral. She built from the ashes of near ruin a life worth living, and a home of warmth.
I know you all have your own ways to remember mum, and your own favourite memory, but I want to share with you this one from last September that I think helps show why I love her so much. We spent an evening in London and saw a musical on a whim, getting the tickets at a last minute booth with no idea of what we wanted to see until we got there. I wanted to see Les Mis, but at her insistence we saw Hairspray and we laughed until we were nearly sick. As well as being my mamma, she was one of my best friends too. And I know that I shall always miss her and the place in my life that she filled. We can only hope that, faced with the ongoing challenge of creating a life of meaning, we can achieve results that are as good.
This entry was originally posted at http://lizziec.dreamwidth.org/418232.html. There are currently
comments on the original entry.
no1typo died. Ben and I are spending the day out so don't worry too much about me, I won't be moping too much. The tribute that Phil and I wrote for mum's funeral says really all I want to today about her, so I've posted it again below.--
To say we put off writing this is something of an understatement. We failed to even get started until two days before the funeral, even though we have known that we have had to write this for a few days even before that. I think that writing this makes it real in a way that it hasn't been for the last two weeks. We knew mum was dying and said our physical goodbyes to her, but since then have done almost anything to avoid thinking about it on an emotional level.
There is also an element of writers block associated with our lack of action. How can we begin to adequately describe our love for the woman who gave birth to us, who brought us up and made us who we are today? How can we even begin to pay tribute to her strength, especially in bringing us up alone after our father died, or her considerable love for her family, her friends or for life?
The fact is that we could never even begin to do her justice through mere words, but the huge number of loving messages that we have all received through the post, by email or over facebook at the time that she was ill and after she died perhaps makes a start.
She was a woman of huge warmth, who lit up people's faces and lives. Who touched the existences of others and changed them for the better. Full of vibrant energy and giving spirit. We know that the world is a slightly dimmer place without the brightness of her spark.
The thing that struck us most after she died and as we began to clear her things was the cruelty of her being taken away from us when she was. She was excited about what the next few years held for her. Sorting the house so it was “just so” for when she retired, retirement itself, and the huge party she was going to throw for just about everyone she knew on that occasion. All the books she would read, travelling she would do, knitting she would accomplish. Day trips to here, there and everywhere in her trusty little car. She looked forward to seeing Phil settled and to welcoming her first grandchild, whenever it should come. We found books and cutlery she was already saving for that eventuality. She was happy in a relationship and had a vibrant social life. She was as content as we have ever seen her.
We hope that everyone remembers her like that. The excited, happy, bubbly, friendly, loving person she was, because we're certain that is how she would like to be remembered.
Satre said “existence precedes essence”. Another way to put this is “you make yourself” or “life is what you make of it”. Though no philosopher, mum took this idea to heart. Faced with the task of forging herself she produced a strong woman, who was stubborn and moral. She built from the ashes of near ruin a life worth living, and a home of warmth.
I know you all have your own ways to remember mum, and your own favourite memory, but I want to share with you this one from last September that I think helps show why I love her so much. We spent an evening in London and saw a musical on a whim, getting the tickets at a last minute booth with no idea of what we wanted to see until we got there. I wanted to see Les Mis, but at her insistence we saw Hairspray and we laughed until we were nearly sick. As well as being my mamma, she was one of my best friends too. And I know that I shall always miss her and the place in my life that she filled. We can only hope that, faced with the ongoing challenge of creating a life of meaning, we can achieve results that are as good.
This entry was originally posted at http://lizziec.dreamwidth.org/418232.html. There are currently
