lizziec: (toys - ikeagiraffe)
I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said. I lived in and around Croydon for the first 21 years of my life and I found seeing it get hit the way it was incredibly difficult. This is a place I'd known all my life, and the major fire that the TV crews focused on is a place that is a major Croydon landmark. It's a family run furniture store, Reeves of Croydon, who were in the same spot for 144 years and was reduced to glowing rubble in an incredibly short amount of time. It was especially soul destroying because they were amazing when I needed a bed at short notice when mum was dying.

Having said all that, where I live currently (Canterbury) was never a place that was in danger, and my brother lives sufficiently far off major thoroughfares to not be at dreadful risk either. I've also yet to be confronted with the actual results of the riot and looting in person as I've not been to Croydon since it happened, which is why [livejournal.com profile] angelicalangie's account of what the trouble has done to her psychologically has been really interesting and very valuable for me to read because she's had to face the things I haven't. If you're interested in the aftermath of the rioting I really think you should read what she's written, because sometimes I think it's easy to lose track of what effect the rioting has had on people across the UK, even if they're not one of the people who has been burned out, looted or beaten up.

This entry was originally posted at http://lizziec.dreamwidth.org/424835.html. There are currently comments on the original entry.
lizziec: (Trapper and Hawkeye)
I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said. I lived in and around Croydon for the first 21 years of my life and I found seeing it get hit the way it was incredibly difficult. This is a place I'd known all my life, and the major fire that the TV crews focused on is a place that is a major Croydon landmark. It's a family run furniture store, Reeves of Croydon, who were in the same spot for 144 years and was reduced to glowing rubble in an incredibly short amount of time. It was especially soul destroying because they were amazing when I needed a bed at short notice when mum was dying.

Having said all that, where I live currently (Canterbury) was never a place that was in danger, and my brother lives sufficiently far off major thoroughfares to not be at dreadful risk either. I've also yet to be confronted with the actual results of the riot and looting in person as I've not been to Croydon since it happened, which is why [livejournal.com profile] angelicalangie's account of what the trouble has done to her psychologically has been really interesting and very valuable for me to read because she's had to face the things I haven't. If you're interested in the aftermath of the rioting I really think you should read what she's written, because sometimes I think it's easy to lose track of what effect the rioting has had on people across the UK, even if they're not one of the people who has been burned out, looted or beaten up.
lizziec: (Stargate SG1 Jack O'Neill (two l's ;)))
Currently hiding away in a Starbucks in Croydon while mum is having the biopsy done at the day surgery unit. I left her at about 9am when they took her through to pre-op, which was further than I was allowed to go, though apparently they didn't think she would actually be done until about 11ish.

Taking anti sickness pills didn't seem to work as this morning mum was sick on arriving at the hospital, though thankfully into the bowl I've been carring in the car rather than getting it on the car. Ended up taking her up to the DSU in a wheelchair though, as it left her very weak. Despite telling staff on Friday, and reminding them numerous times this morning that mum is mostly deaf in one ear now and telling them which side to speak to, they kept talking to her on her deaf side, with one nurse whispering her questions into that ear and then wondering why mum didn't respond. Gah.

They're going to use two anaesthetists, which worried me (and I think mum too - she said she wondered if they thought there was another tumour in her throat), though people on irc tell me it's actually quite usual, so I'm a bit more chilled than I was when I left her.

Found out today that the pretty useless diabetic nurse who I was annoyed at anyway told mum last week that all weight loss was good, which left me quite grrrry. It came up because I noticed when doing up mum's hospital gown that it was much looser than last time she had a biopsy. Last time it was fairly tight at the top on the loosest tie they had there, and didn't do up at the back. This time it was loose even on the tightest tie they had there and left no gap at the back. It was a really obvious sign to me of the speed at which she is losing weight at the moment, which is why I keep quietly and not so quietly wibbling about it.

I ended up calling Macmillan (thankfully calls to them are free on major mobile networks) when I got out to the car and wibbled at a cancer nurse there for half an hour. She said that while weight loss may be good from a diabetes pov "this (cancer/not eating/not keeping stuff down) is not how she should be losing weight" and agreed that she probably needs more calories than she's getting/keeping down. The Macmillan lady said I should push for mum to see a nutritionist, though she said that someone would probably refer mum anyway at some point. She also said to be realistic (because of mum's mouth problems she can't eat much veg, or fruit [down to soft fruits like bananas and raspberries, even strawberries are now too hard]) that mum wasn't going to get her five a day and I shouldn't worry about that too much, but to get her to eat what fruit and veg she could. She also said that I should give mum high fat (i.e. regular, rather than diet) food, and aim to keep the sugar in the food down, which sounds like good advice as far as getting calories into her but without messing up her blood sugar too much. At least, I hope it's good advice. It sounded it. Depending on what happens this week I'll try to get mum to her GP and explain (or get her to explain) I'm concerned about mum's eating and weight loss. Hopefully he'll be less blinkered by "losing weight good for type 2 diabetes" :/

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (Stargate SG1 Jack O'Neill (two l's ;)))
Currently hiding away in a Starbucks in Croydon while mum is having the biopsy done at the day surgery unit. I left her at about 9am when they took her through to pre-op, which was further than I was allowed to go, though apparently they didn't think she would actually be done until about 11ish.

Taking anti sickness pills didn't seem to work as this morning mum was sick on arriving at the hospital, though thankfully into the bowl I've been carring in the car rather than getting it on the car. Ended up taking her up to the DSU in a wheelchair though, as it left her very weak. Despite telling staff on Friday, and reminding them numerous times this morning that mum is mostly deaf in one ear now and telling them which side to speak to, they kept talking to her on her deaf side, with one nurse whispering her questions into that ear and then wondering why mum didn't respond. Gah.

They're going to use two anaesthetists, which worried me (and I think mum too - she said she wondered if they thought there was another tumour in her throat), though people on irc tell me it's actually quite usual, so I'm a bit more chilled than I was when I left her.

Found out today that the pretty useless diabetic nurse who I was annoyed at anyway told mum last week that all weight loss was good, which left me quite grrrry. It came up because I noticed when doing up mum's hospital gown that it was much looser than last time she had a biopsy. Last time it was fairly tight at the top on the loosest tie they had there, and didn't do up at the back. This time it was loose even on the tightest tie they had there and left no gap at the back. It was a really obvious sign to me of the speed at which she is losing weight at the moment, which is why I keep quietly and not so quietly wibbling about it.

I ended up calling Macmillan (thankfully calls to them are free on major mobile networks) when I got out to the car and wibbled at a cancer nurse there for half an hour. She said that while weight loss may be good from a diabetes pov "this (cancer/not eating/not keeping stuff down) is not how she should be losing weight" and agreed that she probably needs more calories than she's getting/keeping down. The Macmillan lady said I should push for mum to see a nutritionist, though she said that someone would probably refer mum anyway at some point. She also said to be realistic (because of mum's mouth problems she can't eat much veg, or fruit [down to soft fruits like bananas and raspberries, even strawberries are now too hard]) that mum wasn't going to get her five a day and I shouldn't worry about that too much, but to get her to eat what fruit and veg she could. She also said that I should give mum high fat (i.e. regular, rather than diet) food, and aim to keep the sugar in the food down, which sounds like good advice as far as getting calories into her but without messing up her blood sugar too much. At least, I hope it's good advice. It sounded it. Depending on what happens this week I'll try to get mum to her GP and explain (or get her to explain) I'm concerned about mum's eating and weight loss. Hopefully he'll be less blinkered by "losing weight good for type 2 diabetes" :/

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (NCIS gibbs abby protection)
Got to Mayday for the hastily arranged ENT appointment about half an hour early and were seen immediately by the doctor. I can't say I was overly impressed with his bedside manner, though it improved some way into the appointment where we reached a mutual understanding. A little more on that further in.

To start with the doctor was very brisk, and wanted to know mum's history with this problem starting from the beginning which upset and frustrated her, so I'm not sure he got a complete picture. Then without any prep time at all went to stick a camera up her nose to see what was going on up there, which completely understandably completely upset mum. She started to cry and said that she hadn't expected that - which was fair as we were just told to be there, no details more than that - and the doctor got kind of frustrated and said that he'd only been handed the case the evening before and had squeezed us into his clinic as a favour to the Neurologist that mum had seen before and was seeing lots more patients in clinic today than he had timeslots for. I guess that explains why we got seen as soon as we got there rather than at a specific time. After we understood he was rushed and he understood mum was scared and uninformed about what the appointment would involve he became much better bedside manner wise. It's a shame it took tears and stuff to get to that point.

He had a go at getting the camera up mum's left nostril, but it didn't go very far as he kept hitting something which I believe was the tumour (he got mum to have a go at blowing her nose, but the blockage didn't move at all), and the attempt looked like it hurt an awful lot (judging by the way mum gripped my hand). It went fine up the right nostril, and appeared to hurt mum much less.

He appeared rather concerned and disappeared for a bit to arrange some things, and then came back to his office to make calls to further arrange things while we were in there. It amused me to hear him sweet talking nurses in much the same way I sweet talk people when I need something.

Anyway, he'd thought that the tumour needed biopsying asap and managed to squeeze mum into his Monday morning list for a biopsy under a general anaesthetic. The rest of the time at the hospital involved heading to the day surgery ward to get pre-admitted and see an anaesthetist (though not the one who'll be doing mum tomorrow) to be checked anaesthetic wise. Was informed that the major risk is that it doesn't stop bleeding after the biopsy is taken and if that happens her nose (through which the biopsy is being taken) will be packed and she'll be sent from Mayday (in Croydon, where all the appointments so far have been, and where the biopsy will be done tomorrow) to St Georges (in Tooting) to be admitted. Really hope that won't happen, but am pondering putting a bag of jammies and washing supplies in the car tomorrow morning just in case, in the hope being prepared will ward off problems.

The follow up to the biopsy will be at St Georges, where the doctor is actually based. He told us how to get there by public transport as he explained that the parking situation (and traffic on the way) is pretty bad, even for him. It was good of him to explain the transport options but I really don't think that mum is up to public transport at the moment. She had a turn while at Mayday on Friday and needed a wheelchair to get her out to the car again. Managed to sort out alternative arrangements that don't involve public transport, thankfully. My auntie and uncle live very very close (a mile or so) to St Georges, and my auntie has worked there (and still volunteers there) so we'll be parking the car at their house and my uncle will drop us off and pick us up, avoiding, hopefully, the parking problems at the hospital without exhausting mum.

All told, it looks like we'll know by Thursday afternoon what the tumour is and some sort of prognosis. The doctor on Friday didn't tell us at all about the MRI and what it showed, though I know he had the report in mum's file, but I know that between inital diagnosis of the tumour and now she is much much worse. Her left eye is completely non-functional, the huge nosebleeds every couple of weeks have evolved into a continuous drip/dribble of blood, she's almost deaf in her left ear and eating has become more of a challenge. Almost the entirety of the left hand side of her face is numb and tingly now, and the nausea and vomiting is worse. The anaesthetist we saw on Friday suggested mum start taking the anti sick pills at night as a matter of course to hopefully ward off the worst of it.

Off to Coulsdon again soon. We have to be at the hospital for 7:30 am tomorrow, which is quite unholy. I decided I'd rather sleep at mum's and get up early than sleep here and get up in what is essentially the middle of the night and drive there then. I think tomorrow will be quite long enough without starting at 4am. All the same, leaving here for Coulsdon is getting harder each week, though I'm not sure whether it's because I'm eating into my mood/spoons reserves each time I spend a week there, or because the situation is getting harder in itself.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (NCIS gibbs abby protection)
Got to Mayday for the hastily arranged ENT appointment about half an hour early and were seen immediately by the doctor. I can't say I was overly impressed with his bedside manner, though it improved some way into the appointment where we reached a mutual understanding. A little more on that further in.

To start with the doctor was very brisk, and wanted to know mum's history with this problem starting from the beginning which upset and frustrated her, so I'm not sure he got a complete picture. Then without any prep time at all went to stick a camera up her nose to see what was going on up there, which completely understandably completely upset mum. She started to cry and said that she hadn't expected that - which was fair as we were just told to be there, no details more than that - and the doctor got kind of frustrated and said that he'd only been handed the case the evening before and had squeezed us into his clinic as a favour to the Neurologist that mum had seen before and was seeing lots more patients in clinic today than he had timeslots for. I guess that explains why we got seen as soon as we got there rather than at a specific time. After we understood he was rushed and he understood mum was scared and uninformed about what the appointment would involve he became much better bedside manner wise. It's a shame it took tears and stuff to get to that point.

He had a go at getting the camera up mum's left nostril, but it didn't go very far as he kept hitting something which I believe was the tumour (he got mum to have a go at blowing her nose, but the blockage didn't move at all), and the attempt looked like it hurt an awful lot (judging by the way mum gripped my hand). It went fine up the right nostril, and appeared to hurt mum much less.

He appeared rather concerned and disappeared for a bit to arrange some things, and then came back to his office to make calls to further arrange things while we were in there. It amused me to hear him sweet talking nurses in much the same way I sweet talk people when I need something.

Anyway, he'd thought that the tumour needed biopsying asap and managed to squeeze mum into his Monday morning list for a biopsy under a general anaesthetic. The rest of the time at the hospital involved heading to the day surgery ward to get pre-admitted and see an anaesthetist (though not the one who'll be doing mum tomorrow) to be checked anaesthetic wise. Was informed that the major risk is that it doesn't stop bleeding after the biopsy is taken and if that happens her nose (through which the biopsy is being taken) will be packed and she'll be sent from Mayday (in Croydon, where all the appointments so far have been, and where the biopsy will be done tomorrow) to St Georges (in Tooting) to be admitted. Really hope that won't happen, but am pondering putting a bag of jammies and washing supplies in the car tomorrow morning just in case, in the hope being prepared will ward off problems.

The follow up to the biopsy will be at St Georges, where the doctor is actually based. He told us how to get there by public transport as he explained that the parking situation (and traffic on the way) is pretty bad, even for him. It was good of him to explain the transport options but I really don't think that mum is up to public transport at the moment. She had a turn while at Mayday on Friday and needed a wheelchair to get her out to the car again. Managed to sort out alternative arrangements that don't involve public transport, thankfully. My auntie and uncle live very very close (a mile or so) to St Georges, and my auntie has worked there (and still volunteers there) so we'll be parking the car at their house and my uncle will drop us off and pick us up, avoiding, hopefully, the parking problems at the hospital without exhausting mum.

All told, it looks like we'll know by Thursday afternoon what the tumour is and some sort of prognosis. The doctor on Friday didn't tell us at all about the MRI and what it showed, though I know he had the report in mum's file, but I know that between inital diagnosis of the tumour and now she is much much worse. Her left eye is completely non-functional, the huge nosebleeds every couple of weeks have evolved into a continuous drip/dribble of blood, she's almost deaf in her left ear and eating has become more of a challenge. Almost the entirety of the left hand side of her face is numb and tingly now, and the nausea and vomiting is worse. The anaesthetist we saw on Friday suggested mum start taking the anti sick pills at night as a matter of course to hopefully ward off the worst of it.

Off to Coulsdon again soon. We have to be at the hospital for 7:30 am tomorrow, which is quite unholy. I decided I'd rather sleep at mum's and get up early than sleep here and get up in what is essentially the middle of the night and drive there then. I think tomorrow will be quite long enough without starting at 4am. All the same, leaving here for Coulsdon is getting harder each week, though I'm not sure whether it's because I'm eating into my mood/spoons reserves each time I spend a week there, or because the situation is getting harder in itself.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (cartoon elephant)
Call from Mayday this afternoon. They want mum in the ENT clinic at 10am tomorrow (Friday). I'm guessing, though I don't know for certain, this is to do with following up the MRI she had on Wednesday. I don't know if it's that they have a diagnosis though, or that they will be doing a biopsy on the tumour on and behind her cheekbone. I guess we'll find out when we get there.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (cartoon elephant)
Call from Mayday this afternoon. They want mum in the ENT clinic at 10am tomorrow (Friday). I'm guessing, though I don't know for certain, this is to do with following up the MRI she had on Wednesday. I don't know if it's that they have a diagnosis though, or that they will be doing a biopsy on the tumour on and behind her cheekbone. I guess we'll find out when we get there.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (sheep baa)
Toddled off to Mayday earlier to get the MRI done. I drove as carefully as I could, possibly my best and smoothest driving for ever as mum was feeling extremely nauseous and I really didn't want her being sick on the way (though we have an emesis basin in the car permanently atm just in case) as that would have been distressing for us both and we didn't need that. I (and she) made it \o/ Trying to drive smoothly makes it clear how awful the roads are at the moment though :(

Anyway, the MRI suite at Mayday smelled of paint and white spirit and was incredibly disorganised, with no signs telling us where it was. It turns out that the reason why is because they're still decorating, having moved in (from a portacabin on the hospital site somewhere) either Tuesday or today (Wednesday). After signing in and doing paperwork we waited for 50 mins, then I asked a member of staff who was passing how much longer it was likely to be. I was very polite and not mean or anything. Mostly I was just worried about whether or not I'd have to put more money on the car parking. Anyway, after asking someone mum was taken back for the MRI almost straight away. From them taking her back to her returning to me took about 55 mins. Got back to the car the minute the ticket expired. Not bad timing really. The MRI people said that they would have to write a report and would then ask mum to come back for more imaging (which I guess means another MRI or CT or something?) or she'd be called in to see her consultant. Now I guess we have to wait to see what the MRI shows. After the first CT scan mum was called back within 2 working days when it showed up a tumour, so hopefully the turnaround on the MRI will be as quick and we will find out where the primary tumour is hiding. If they can't pinpoint it using the MRI, they'll be biopsying the tumour on and behind her cheekbone. Ah, now I'm repeating myself. My apologies. The MRI today was of her head and neck.

Meanwhile, as well as the nausea and vomiting problems that I talked about last post, and the loss of appetite, the tumour appears to be causing various other distressing problems. One of the main ones is making mum vulnerable to infections - she's being treated for her second UTI in four weeks at the moment, which makes me nervous when I get a sore throat or anything. If it's a cold and I pass it along to her, I have no idea what the consequences would be. Another is nosebleeds. I guess it's the way the tumour is pressing on stuff, though I don't really know. She's had a few enormous nose bleeds that have lasted for ages (though [thankfully?] I've yet to be around for one), and on friday night she asked Phil to call an ambulance for her because the loss of blood was so sudden and dramatic (she thought it had stopped and it suddenly started again with a vengeance). Thankfully they were able to treat her at home, but it's another of those things that makes me realise how vulnerable the tumour(s) are making her, and not just in the obvious "she has cancer" sort of ways.

Cut, a ramble in which I moan about trying to get a prescription filled at half past six on a weekday in Greater London )

Since the first UTI she's been drinking a glass of cranberry juice a day. Is there anything else we can do to ward off the dreaded cystitis or is that about it? Also, is reduced sugar cranberry juice less effective or the same effective as regular when it comes to warding infections off? Does cranberry juice even work? Obviously for the comfort of everyone concerned we'd like to keep them to a minimum, hence the cranberry juice. It doesn't seem to have worked that well though :/

After my last LJ entry, [livejournal.com profile] red_pill sweetly said he'd deal with vomit as he has no particular problem with it, which is very sweet of him. I think we've decided that if he is around, he will deal with it, and if I'm the only one around then I'll grit my teeth and deal with it as best I can. Hopefully I will continue to be successful in keeping my own tummy contents in.

I should go to bed. It's very late as I've been writing this (and spent two hours bitching on twitter about the inadequacies of our legislative process with regards to the Digital Economy Bill) and [livejournal.com profile] bethanthepurple is visiting tomorrow (at least, as long as the hospital don't call us in on short notice), so I'd like to at least be a little alert for that ;)

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (sheep baa)
Toddled off to Mayday earlier to get the MRI done. I drove as carefully as I could, possibly my best and smoothest driving for ever as mum was feeling extremely nauseous and I really didn't want her being sick on the way (though we have an emesis basin in the car permanently atm just in case) as that would have been distressing for us both and we didn't need that. I (and she) made it \o/ Trying to drive smoothly makes it clear how awful the roads are at the moment though :(

Anyway, the MRI suite at Mayday smelled of paint and white spirit and was incredibly disorganised, with no signs telling us where it was. It turns out that the reason why is because they're still decorating, having moved in (from a portacabin on the hospital site somewhere) either Tuesday or today (Wednesday). After signing in and doing paperwork we waited for 50 mins, then I asked a member of staff who was passing how much longer it was likely to be. I was very polite and not mean or anything. Mostly I was just worried about whether or not I'd have to put more money on the car parking. Anyway, after asking someone mum was taken back for the MRI almost straight away. From them taking her back to her returning to me took about 55 mins. Got back to the car the minute the ticket expired. Not bad timing really. The MRI people said that they would have to write a report and would then ask mum to come back for more imaging (which I guess means another MRI or CT or something?) or she'd be called in to see her consultant. Now I guess we have to wait to see what the MRI shows. After the first CT scan mum was called back within 2 working days when it showed up a tumour, so hopefully the turnaround on the MRI will be as quick and we will find out where the primary tumour is hiding. If they can't pinpoint it using the MRI, they'll be biopsying the tumour on and behind her cheekbone. Ah, now I'm repeating myself. My apologies. The MRI today was of her head and neck.

Meanwhile, as well as the nausea and vomiting problems that I talked about last post, and the loss of appetite, the tumour appears to be causing various other distressing problems. One of the main ones is making mum vulnerable to infections - she's being treated for her second UTI in four weeks at the moment, which makes me nervous when I get a sore throat or anything. If it's a cold and I pass it along to her, I have no idea what the consequences would be. Another is nosebleeds. I guess it's the way the tumour is pressing on stuff, though I don't really know. She's had a few enormous nose bleeds that have lasted for ages (though [thankfully?] I've yet to be around for one), and on friday night she asked Phil to call an ambulance for her because the loss of blood was so sudden and dramatic (she thought it had stopped and it suddenly started again with a vengeance). Thankfully they were able to treat her at home, but it's another of those things that makes me realise how vulnerable the tumour(s) are making her, and not just in the obvious "she has cancer" sort of ways.

Cut, a ramble in which I moan about trying to get a prescription filled at half past six on a weekday in Greater London )

Since the first UTI she's been drinking a glass of cranberry juice a day. Is there anything else we can do to ward off the dreaded cystitis or is that about it? Also, is reduced sugar cranberry juice less effective or the same effective as regular when it comes to warding infections off? Does cranberry juice even work? Obviously for the comfort of everyone concerned we'd like to keep them to a minimum, hence the cranberry juice. It doesn't seem to have worked that well though :/

After my last LJ entry, [livejournal.com profile] red_pill sweetly said he'd deal with vomit as he has no particular problem with it, which is very sweet of him. I think we've decided that if he is around, he will deal with it, and if I'm the only one around then I'll grit my teeth and deal with it as best I can. Hopefully I will continue to be successful in keeping my own tummy contents in.

I should go to bed. It's very late as I've been writing this (and spent two hours bitching on twitter about the inadequacies of our legislative process with regards to the Digital Economy Bill) and [livejournal.com profile] bethanthepurple is visiting tomorrow (at least, as long as the hospital don't call us in on short notice), so I'd like to at least be a little alert for that ;)

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (carebare grumpy sleeping)
The bed came at about 2:30pm and is now built and the room is looking vaguely welcoming, which is good, because next week I'll be sleeping in it for five nights.

Made it home through terrible weather at about 7ish. Was rather grumpy but so glad to be home. My home, with my things and my husband, who had even done my chores so I didn't have anything to do when I got in, which is something I'm more grateful for than I can even express right now.

I'm also incredibly grateful for my friends at the moment who have all been supportive in various ways and I don't know what I'd have done in the last few days without their help. Not having any friends in Croydon is actually one of the hardest things about spending a lot of time at mum's in the last few weeks, and the thing I'm going to really struggle with in the coming months if I continue what will start next week and spend 5 days at mum's and only 2(ish) at home.

I rely on my friends a lot for my sanity, and sometimes it really helps a lot if I can just go out for an afternoon or an evening with them, even if we don't necessarily talk about deep things. The only people I know in Coulsdon/Croydon now are my mum and brother, and it makes getting out more difficult. I'm very dull and find it difficult to be out on my own. I'd much rather have someone to have coffee with, or walk with or whatever. I'm not quite sure yet how I'll find a way around it.

Another thing I need to figure out sooner rather than later is how to make the room I'll be sleeping in a bit more my space and less stark spare room. Starting to wish I hadn't got rid of the posters I had before/during Uni. They'd be a start.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (carebare grumpy sleeping)
The bed came at about 2:30pm and is now built and the room is looking vaguely welcoming, which is good, because next week I'll be sleeping in it for five nights.

Made it home through terrible weather at about 7ish. Was rather grumpy but so glad to be home. My home, with my things and my husband, who had even done my chores so I didn't have anything to do when I got in, which is something I'm more grateful for than I can even express right now.

I'm also incredibly grateful for my friends at the moment who have all been supportive in various ways and I don't know what I'd have done in the last few days without their help. Not having any friends in Croydon is actually one of the hardest things about spending a lot of time at mum's in the last few weeks, and the thing I'm going to really struggle with in the coming months if I continue what will start next week and spend 5 days at mum's and only 2(ish) at home.

I rely on my friends a lot for my sanity, and sometimes it really helps a lot if I can just go out for an afternoon or an evening with them, even if we don't necessarily talk about deep things. The only people I know in Coulsdon/Croydon now are my mum and brother, and it makes getting out more difficult. I'm very dull and find it difficult to be out on my own. I'd much rather have someone to have coffee with, or walk with or whatever. I'm not quite sure yet how I'll find a way around it.

Another thing I need to figure out sooner rather than later is how to make the room I'll be sleeping in a bit more my space and less stark spare room. Starting to wish I hadn't got rid of the posters I had before/during Uni. They'd be a start.

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (MASH - Hawkeye Trapper bromance)
Yesterday was a much better day for me and I didn't cry once. I think it's because I was so busy and actually getting things done, which gave me something to channel my anxiety in to.

Mum and I were waiting for a call from the hospital to say to come in for an MRI, as they could only do her yesterday if there was a cancellation, so we were on standby all day. (Aside, they wanted to do the MRI on Thursday when mum had an epic day at the hospital bouncing between various doctors and tests, but by the time the MRI was proposed she'd been at the hospital for 6ish hours and not eaten yet and had had enough, so it was postponed.)

Anyway, we made use of the day to do a few errands, because mum had woken up feeling good (for her, at the moment) and headed out about half 10. First we went to Matalan because they have an offer on jammies and mum's sick of the ones she's been wearing nearly continuously for about 8 weeks now. She also got some other stuff, including some single bed sheets - more on that in a minute!

Checked she wasn't too tired and decided to press on to Croydon proper for a little more shopping. Got some more jammies for her, and a nighty for me, then left her to sit for a bit and regain some energy while I pressed on to Reeves of Croydon who had a single bed I was interested in.

Basically I've been sleeping on the floor of the spare room for the last couple of nights and mum and I decided that a proper bed for in here would be desireable if I'm going to be spending more time here. It means I have my own space, though I definitely had to work for it (it was a typical spare room type of mess, so [livejournal.com profile] red_pill and I spent a good five hours or so last night cleaning it out and up).

Reeves were amazing. If anyone is reading this, lives in the area and needs furniture I cannot recommend them enough. I explained the situation and they arranged to have it delivered today for their standard charge (about half the price of the next day charge).

That's the reason we needed single bed sheets in a hurry. Mum and Phil are both in double beds (which absolutely will not fit in the spare room) and cleared all the single bedding out a few months ago. D'oh! We seem to be mostly bedding enabled now though.

Finished up the Croydon wanderings with mum by going to Nandos for tasty chicken (and mum managed to eat all of her chicken portion (though not much rice), which is brilliant, because she's not eating much at all at the moment and didn't think she'd manage a whole portion of chicken) and Surrey Street market for strawberries and rasperries for later, as they're one of the few fruits mum can manage at the moment (the others being bananas and grapes).

She was tired out by all that, but said her soul felt somewhat replenshed, which must be pretty important right now. In the end, we didn't get a call to come in for an MRI, so I guess that now won't happen until after the weekend.

Managed to do some food shopping a bit later, which led to me clearing out and cleaning the fridge, which needed doing pretty badly. In the middle of that particular chaos, mum's (boy/man)friend, Duncan arrived to visit her, which I think also helped with the recharging of batteries somewhat.

Phil and I finished cleaning out and up the spare room about 1am and I'm still rather tired now, but pleased with the practical difference I made yesterday, which I think is why I'm doing a bit better today (and had a good day yesterday). I know it probably won't last, but I think I'll cherish it while it's happening.

Should get back to Canterbury sometime this afternoon/evening hopefully. I'm going to wait till the bed's been delivered and put together, then I'm coming home for a day and a half before coming back on Monday, which should hopefully help recharge my batteries.

ETA: I'm finally going through comments you've posted in the last few days/weeks and replying. Sorry it's taken me so long :) I really do appreciate everything you have collectively said. The comments mean a lot to me. X

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (MASH - Hawkeye Trapper bromance)
Yesterday was a much better day for me and I didn't cry once. I think it's because I was so busy and actually getting things done, which gave me something to channel my anxiety in to.

Mum and I were waiting for a call from the hospital to say to come in for an MRI, as they could only do her yesterday if there was a cancellation, so we were on standby all day. (Aside, they wanted to do the MRI on Thursday when mum had an epic day at the hospital bouncing between various doctors and tests, but by the time the MRI was proposed she'd been at the hospital for 6ish hours and not eaten yet and had had enough, so it was postponed.)

Anyway, we made use of the day to do a few errands, because mum had woken up feeling good (for her, at the moment) and headed out about half 10. First we went to Matalan because they have an offer on jammies and mum's sick of the ones she's been wearing nearly continuously for about 8 weeks now. She also got some other stuff, including some single bed sheets - more on that in a minute!

Checked she wasn't too tired and decided to press on to Croydon proper for a little more shopping. Got some more jammies for her, and a nighty for me, then left her to sit for a bit and regain some energy while I pressed on to Reeves of Croydon who had a single bed I was interested in.

Basically I've been sleeping on the floor of the spare room for the last couple of nights and mum and I decided that a proper bed for in here would be desireable if I'm going to be spending more time here. It means I have my own space, though I definitely had to work for it (it was a typical spare room type of mess, so [livejournal.com profile] red_pill and I spent a good five hours or so last night cleaning it out and up).

Reeves were amazing. If anyone is reading this, lives in the area and needs furniture I cannot recommend them enough. I explained the situation and they arranged to have it delivered today for their standard charge (about half the price of the next day charge).

That's the reason we needed single bed sheets in a hurry. Mum and Phil are both in double beds (which absolutely will not fit in the spare room) and cleared all the single bedding out a few months ago. D'oh! We seem to be mostly bedding enabled now though.

Finished up the Croydon wanderings with mum by going to Nandos for tasty chicken (and mum managed to eat all of her chicken portion (though not much rice), which is brilliant, because she's not eating much at all at the moment and didn't think she'd manage a whole portion of chicken) and Surrey Street market for strawberries and rasperries for later, as they're one of the few fruits mum can manage at the moment (the others being bananas and grapes).

She was tired out by all that, but said her soul felt somewhat replenshed, which must be pretty important right now. In the end, we didn't get a call to come in for an MRI, so I guess that now won't happen until after the weekend.

Managed to do some food shopping a bit later, which led to me clearing out and cleaning the fridge, which needed doing pretty badly. In the middle of that particular chaos, mum's (boy/man)friend, Duncan arrived to visit her, which I think also helped with the recharging of batteries somewhat.

Phil and I finished cleaning out and up the spare room about 1am and I'm still rather tired now, but pleased with the practical difference I made yesterday, which I think is why I'm doing a bit better today (and had a good day yesterday). I know it probably won't last, but I think I'll cherish it while it's happening.

Should get back to Canterbury sometime this afternoon/evening hopefully. I'm going to wait till the bed's been delivered and put together, then I'm coming home for a day and a half before coming back on Monday, which should hopefully help recharge my batteries.

ETA: I'm finally going through comments you've posted in the last few days/weeks and replying. Sorry it's taken me so long :) I really do appreciate everything you have collectively said. The comments mean a lot to me. X

ETA: 12/07/11 No longer filtered
lizziec: (XKCD sheeple)
Disclaimer: All pictures in this post taken with crappy phone camera. Apologies for the crappiness.

To begin - why on earth is Sainsbury's stocking Hot Cross Buns in December? Before Christmas even?! There are still four months till Easter and it makes my brain hurt to have shop products commemorating His death before we've even celebrated His birth yet.



Today I was in town and (finally) applied for a Cathedral Precincts Pass (we live within four miles of the Bell Harry Tower so we're entitled to one giving us free entry). Other Canterbury-ites who are interested can download the form here. You're eligible if... ) It might be worth your while applying if you are eligible :) Free Stuff ++ . Also, Canterbury residents cards don't work for getting in for free at the Cathedral.

While I was in town I also made a visit to Woolworths for the first time since the closing down was announced and it was very sad :( There wasn't a lot left and none of it was really stuff I wanted to buy. I guess the latter is the reason why they're now defunct. They've even started selling off the fixtures and fittings. That really is quite gutting to see. Can't work out why it is, but it is.



Got home to the news that the list of final closures has been published (list here) and Canterbury is going in the first wave - on the 27th December. Can't help feeling how crappy it is for those (soon to be un)employed by Woolworths. Also of interest to me were that Croydon's is going on 30th December and Coulsdon's is closing on 2nd January. More gapes in the high streets :( It's really all rather sad.

More disturbing to me was that Woolworths has the below signs plastered everywhere. It was quiet (and almost cleared out) when I went, but what kind of chaos must have reigned for these to have to be put up? This is why I'm losing what little faith I had in humanity :(

lizziec: (XKCD sheeple)
Disclaimer: All pictures in this post taken with crappy phone camera. Apologies for the crappiness.

To begin - why on earth is Sainsbury's stocking Hot Cross Buns in December? Before Christmas even?! There are still four months till Easter and it makes my brain hurt to have shop products commemorating His death before we've even celebrated His birth yet.



Today I was in town and (finally) applied for a Cathedral Precincts Pass (we live within four miles of the Bell Harry Tower so we're entitled to one giving us free entry). Other Canterbury-ites who are interested can download the form here. You're eligible if... ) It might be worth your while applying if you are eligible :) Free Stuff ++ . Also, Canterbury residents cards don't work for getting in for free at the Cathedral.

While I was in town I also made a visit to Woolworths for the first time since the closing down was announced and it was very sad :( There wasn't a lot left and none of it was really stuff I wanted to buy. I guess the latter is the reason why they're now defunct. They've even started selling off the fixtures and fittings. That really is quite gutting to see. Can't work out why it is, but it is.



Got home to the news that the list of final closures has been published (list here) and Canterbury is going in the first wave - on the 27th December. Can't help feeling how crappy it is for those (soon to be un)employed by Woolworths. Also of interest to me were that Croydon's is going on 30th December and Coulsdon's is closing on 2nd January. More gapes in the high streets :( It's really all rather sad.

More disturbing to me was that Woolworths has the below signs plastered everywhere. It was quiet (and almost cleared out) when I went, but what kind of chaos must have reigned for these to have to be put up? This is why I'm losing what little faith I had in humanity :(

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