lizziec: (Chalet School)
[personal profile] lizziec
Inspired by a discussion on the CBB, which brought up Lydia, Joey's Sister in Law who apparently didn't like her. A letter explaining why that was lost in the confusion of the evacuation and German invasion of Guernsey (or possibly on a ship sunk by a U-Boat), so never read by the intended recipient.

Pretty Maids, Spring 1940.



Joey,

I hope this letter finds you and your new babies well. Thank you for the snaps enclosed in the letter you sent to Bob. I am well in body, if not in spirit. To be entirely truthful, my spirit is very sick, and has been since Rolf died. Since your beautiful girls were born it has been ever harder to cope. After speaking to Father Joseph about how I was feeling, I decided to write this letter. Call it a confession, or a form of catharsis if you like, but it’s a way of letting you know how I feel, my dear sister.

I know that you do not think of me in pleasant terms. How could you when I have been as unpleasant as I possibly could be towards you? The fact is, Joey, that I love you as a sister and was so happy that dear Jack had found someone. I had known him for some time before he went away to Medical School and the Sonnalpe – obviously as Bob and I have been married for some years now, and have always felt that he is the brother I never had before, and embraced him as such. I knew he wanted someone who could be everything to him and I know he found that in you. I was honestly happy for you, and if I have never been as nice to you as I should have, it is only because I wished that I was still young and whole with my whole life ahead of me.

I don’t know how much you know about the early years of Rolf’s life. He was my first precious baby, and seemed to put the crown on our happiness. He was the most delightful baby, so quiet and clever and I loved him madly. When he was two I fell pregnant again and while expecting I was in an automobile accident. The baby was born very early and my precious little girl died after just a few hours. But it was worse than that, Jo. The injuries I sustained left me unable to have another baby. Rolf was now my one and only and became utterly central to my life. In my pain I rejected Bob and in time he grew to accept the distance which was now built in to our formerly close relationship. I spoiled Rolf and gave him everything he ever wanted. I just wanted him to be happy.

That desire eventually robbed him of life, and left me utterly bereft. I can not begin to describe how empty I felt on the day he died, and every day since then. Bitterness and hatred overcame me, and if I’m honest, those feelings are still there today. I can’t imagine not feeling this way now, but things are a little better. They must be for me even to be able to acknowledge that it was my fault my precious died, let alone to apologise to you for the way that I have behaved towards you, and must have made you and Jack feel.

Please hold tight to your babies, dearest Jo, because one day you may wake up and they will not be there any more, and even with Him to comfort you, the hole will never truly be filled.

I hope that knowing all of this you and Jack can begin to forgive me, perhaps in ways I can not forgive myself. I know that we can never start again, but perhaps we could view this time on as something of a new beginning, and I could become something more in the girls’ lives and be the aunt they deserve, though with the way I have behaved I will entirely understand if you continue to want very little to do with me.

Yours in love,

Lydia.

Date: 4 February 2010 09:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] b-liz.livejournal.com
That is lovely - thank you.

September 2013

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