27 April 2011

lizziec: (Default)
I think it's a reflex among pretty much everyone who talks to other people. When someone asks you how you are, unless you know someone very well or are particularly good at sharing, the default response is "ok" or "fine". Especially because when people ask "how are you?" it's more a social reflex than a genuine desire to know how you are, because more often than not the asker doesn't really want the full answer to the question because usually the answer is more complicated and messy than anyone really wants to get into in what is essentially a superficial social interaction.

In any case, my default reaction is to say "ok" and move on. I did it tonight when someone on IRC asked me how I was. I've been feeling a bit guilty since then because the truth is I'm not okay. I'm not crumbled into a little bits. I'm functioning and working and that in itself is a good thing. But right now I'm quite a long way from okay. I'm very much hoping that when the first anniversary of mum's death passes in two weeks that I'll start to be ok again. Given I started to be not ok just before mum's birthday and Mothering Sunday (about three weeks ago) it surely has to be that. I'm hoping it will go away soon. But right now, honestly? I'm not okay.

ETA: 23/08/11 no longer filtered
lizziec: (Default)
I think it's a reflex among pretty much everyone who talks to other people. When someone asks you how you are, unless you know someone very well or are particularly good at sharing, the default response is "ok" or "fine". Especially because when people ask "how are you?" it's more a social reflex than a genuine desire to know how you are, because more often than not the asker doesn't really want the full answer to the question because usually the answer is more complicated and messy than anyone really wants to get into in what is essentially a superficial social interaction.

In any case, my default reaction is to say "ok" and move on. I did it tonight when someone on IRC asked me how I was. I've been feeling a bit guilty since then because the truth is I'm not okay. I'm not crumbled into a little bits. I'm functioning and working and that in itself is a good thing. But right now I'm quite a long way from okay. I'm very much hoping that when the first anniversary of mum's death passes in two weeks that I'll start to be ok again. Given I started to be not ok just before mum's birthday and Mothering Sunday (about three weeks ago) it surely has to be that. I'm hoping it will go away soon. But right now, honestly? I'm not okay.

ETA: 23/08/11 no longer filtered

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